DIY horror movie!
- Subject: [ferns] DIY horror movie!
- From: Bob Needham firstname.lastname@example.org
- Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2003 21:01:11 -0800 (PST)
You fernies have been way too quiet lately.
This ought to teach you better:
"THE SPAWN FROM HELL!"
It all began on a quiet afternoon as I was watering my Rabbit's-Foot Fern.
"Hmm, that looks like brown scale!", I thought. "I really need to wear
my glasses more often when I water."
I plucked one off, and decided I needed to have a closer look, so I stuck
it to a piece of Scotch tape and went off to the lab for a closer look.
That's when the horror began.
I will never be able to sleep without the hall light on again!
Have you seen the movie "Aliens"? Remember the scene where the
egg pod opens up, and the guy peeks in? Aaaah! This is what this
thing looked like! I was looking into it from the bottom (the side
closest to the plant) with a 30-power stereo zoom microscope, and
it was scarier (and cheaper) than any day at the movies! If I would
have had popcorn, I would have spilled it! I even considered going
to pop some popcorn in the breakroom and coming back to look, just
so I could spill it and get the total effect!
I was looking into this little sac about 2mm in diameter. The
outside covering looked completely dead and dry, but the inside
was another story!
There was between 400-800 tiny eggs, each about .002 inches inside!
The evil horde was getting ready to invade! Each one looked like
a microscopic milky-white rugby ball. Visions of the movie "Invasion
Of The Body Snatchers" in which the pods took over the world, were
dancing through my head! (Although these pods would have to gain
about 164 pounds before they could replicate me) Then I thought
maybe that wouldn't be so bad; one pod me could stay at work and
earn a paycheck, one pod me could clean up the backyard, one more
could do my taxes full time....
Now where was I? Oh, yes.. These little guys were about to hatch
and go on the march! Too bad for them (and thanks to 3M), they don't
know that they are stuck to Scotch Tape, and until they can get free
and push the elevator buttons to get to the second floor, I guess
my ferns are safe from that particular hatching, but I think I see
several more on the plant...
Well, I'll go look at them every day, and keep you posted on the
horrible developments. You do have a delete key for your email inbox,
I gotta go. I feel like I need to wash my hands. Those tiny rugby
buggers could be anywhere, and they SUCK!
Uh, oh, the bathroom is down the hall, I need to turn on the hall light,
but it's dark out there, and I'm afraid to reach around the corner.
I guess I'm stuck in here until sunrise.
...and to borrow a concept from Dave Barry, wouldn't "Blood-sucking Minions"
be a great name for a rock band?
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