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WOT : The South

   Here's a forward of a forward I got on one
of the Dahlia lists. It was passed on by a
fellow in Ocala, FL known only as steve w .
As we seem to have many rebels on board, I
thought I'd pass it along for your delectation...

Subject:  The South

Tips for traveling in the South:

1) If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly.
 Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2) Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

3) Remember: "ya'll" is singular, "All Ya'll" is plural and "All Ya'lls" is
plural possessive.

4) Get used to hearing,"You ain't from around here, are ya?"

5) Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying: They can't
understand you either.

6) "Mom'n'em" is not one person. When someone asks,"How's your mom'n'em?", They
are referring to the entire family.

7) Be advised that "He needed killing," is a valid defense here.

8) If you hear a Southerner exclaim,"Hey, Ya'll, Watch This!", stay out of
the way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.

9) When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road,
 remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere
 and the rest learned to drive while hunting on the back roads. In both
cases this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

10) Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns
and are proficient, marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to aim.

11) Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.

12) Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole damned kit.

13) Rasslin' is not fake. Don't you dare whisper otherwise unless you want
a kindhearted Southerner to fix your busted head with duct tape.

14) Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.

15) Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt, and Elvis are "Good Ole Boys," Jeff Gordon 
is not.

16) Turkey Hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and armadillos on the Ark.

17) If you hear a Turkey Gobble, get out of the way. Some Southerners view that
sound like payoff bells on a 
slot machine.

18) Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased requested
  to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because,
 "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

19) "Ya'll come back now, ya here," is a temporary statement. We love
Yankees to visit, but DAMN YANKEES are those who decide to stay.

20) If you decide to stay in the South and bear children, don't think we
will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven we wouldn't call them biscuits.

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