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Re: WOT : The South

Thanks for the laugh, Jim.  Sounds like the Dahlia people get off topic
occasionally too!

----- Original Message -----
From: "James R. Fisher" <garrideb@well.com>
To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
Sent: Wednesday, August 06, 2003 6:28 PM
Subject: [CHAT] WOT : The South

>    Here's a forward of a forward I got on one
> of the Dahlia lists. It was passed on by a
> fellow in Ocala, FL known only as steve w .
> As we seem to have many rebels on board, I
> thought I'd pass it along for your delectation...
> -jrf
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> Subject:  The South
> Tips for traveling in the South:
> 1) If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
> drive pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly.
>  Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they
live for.
> 2) Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
> 3) Remember: "ya'll" is singular, "All Ya'll" is plural and "All Ya'lls"
> plural possessive.
> 4) Get used to hearing,"You ain't from around here, are ya?"
> 5) Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying: They
> understand you either.
> 6) "Mom'n'em" is not one person. When someone asks,"How's your mom'n'em?",
> are referring to the entire family.
> 7) Be advised that "He needed killing," is a valid defense here.
> 8) If you hear a Southerner exclaim,"Hey, Ya'll, Watch This!", stay out of
> the way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.
> 9) When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the
>  remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere
>  and the rest learned to drive while hunting on the back roads. In both
> cases this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
> 10) Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns
> and are proficient, marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to aim.
> 11) Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.
> 12) Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole
damned kit.
> 13) Rasslin' is not fake. Don't you dare whisper otherwise unless you want
> a kindhearted Southerner to fix your busted head with duct tape.
> 14) Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.
> 15) Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt, and Elvis are "Good Ole Boys," Jeff
> is not.
> 16) Turkey Hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and armadillos
on the Ark.
> 17) If you hear a Turkey Gobble, get out of the way. Some Southerners view
> sound like payoff bells on a
> slot machine.
> 18) Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased requested
>   to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because,
>  "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
> 19) "Ya'll come back now, ya here," is a temporary statement. We love
> Yankees to visit, but DAMN YANKEES are those who decide to stay.
> 20) If you decide to stay in the South and bear children, don't think we
> will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
> oven we wouldn't call them biscuits.
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
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