Here's a good chuckle I thought I'd pass on in time for Christmas! Melody
Holiday Eating Tips
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffettable
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you seecarrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rumballs.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine
single-maltscotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt
scotch.Youcan't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
caresthat has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going
toturn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
Haveone for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point
ofgravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out
ofyour mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk
orwhole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a
sportscar with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
controlyour eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to
eatother people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and NewYear's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling thebuffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat ofeggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
likefrosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
positionyourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can
beforebecoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair
ofshoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Alwayshave
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with themandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, havesome
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the partyor
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention
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