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[Fwd: Fw: Our dogs and Cats]

  • Subject: [Fwd: Fw: Our dogs and Cats]
  • From: Richard Apking <redfour@omni-tech.net>
  • Date: Sun, 08 Feb 2009 17:23:53 -0600

-
Thought all you animal lover (like me) types might like this.   Rich
 

 

 

 

     

    The following was found posted  _very low_ on a refrigerator door.

    Dear Dogs and Cats:  The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
    contain your food.  The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
     Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not
    stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
    aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
     
    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
     Racing me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't
    help because I fall faster than you can run.
     
    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized b ed .  I am very
    sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the
    couch to ensure your comfort, however.  Dogs and cats can actually
    curl up in a ball when they sleep.  It i s not necessary to sleep
    perpendicular to each other, stretch ed out to the fullest extent
    possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
    tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing
    but sarcasm.
     
    For the last time, */there is no secret exit from the
    bathroom! /*If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get
    the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn
    the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the
    door.  I must exit through the same door I entered .  Also, I have
    been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not
    required .
     
    The proper order for kissing is:  Kiss me first, then go smell the
    other dog or cat's butt.  I cannot stress this enough.
     
    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
    on the front door:
     
    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
     
    (1)  They live here.  You don't.  (2)  If you don't want their hair
    on your clothes, stay off the furniture.  That's why they call it
    'fur'-niture.  (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most
    people.  (4)  To you, they are animals.  To me, they are adopted
    sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't
    speak clearly.
     
    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat
    less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train,
    (4) normally come when called , (5) never ask to drive the car, (6)
    don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8)
    don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest
    fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11)
    if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .. 
Internal Virus Database is out of date.
Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com 
Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.10.12/1908 - Release Date: 1/21/2009 9:15 PM

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