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Re: how to bathe a cat was: cat collars was now cat door

Good one Marge.  But my cat's never had a bath until at least a yr old.
Originally did it in bathtub, found sink was easier.  Once you know how to
position hands, it's not too hard.  Of course, mine were front-declawed.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Marge Talt" <mtalt@hort.net>
To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 7:42 PM
Subject: Re: [CHAT] how to bathe a cat was: cat collars was now cat door

> > From: Pamela J. Evans <gardenqueen@gbronline.com>
> > It's one of those things you've got to start them on when they're
> > little. Jesse actually bathes her cats, I can't imagine. I'd be in
> the
> > emergency room if I tried that w/ her highness. But she gets them
> used
> > to it when they're little bitty.
> ----------
> You're right - actually you have to start cats at the really tiny
> kitten stage to get them used to a lot of things, including going
> outside.  If they never have, often they never want to.
> When I lived in San Francisco, I used to have to bathe my cats on
> account of the heavy flea infestations in that city - amazing fleas.
> Anyway, it was one heck of a job.  Always had to just get in the tub
> with the cat.  Cats can become vertical and turn inside out when they
> want to.
> I've saved a giggle about bathing cats....hmmm....know I saved it;
> gonna go look for it......
> Found it...sorta long, but think all you cat persons may get a
> chuckle out of it.  No idea who first wrote it; it was posted to some
> list years ago by someone who'd saved it and didn't know who wrote
> it:
> "How To Bathe A Cat"
> Author Unknown
> Some people say cats never have to be bathed.  They say cats lick
> themselves clean.  They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort
> in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the
> dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
> I've spent most of my life believing this folklore.  Like most blind
> believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary,
> the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt
> smudges  that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace. The time
> comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look
> squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and
> announce:  "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in
> Juarez.
> When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some
> advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your
> arm and head for the bathtub:
> Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of
> concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.
> Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield.  Don't try
> to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him.
> Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet
> square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close
> the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower.  (A
> simple shower curtain will not do.  A berserk cat can shred a
> three-ply rubber shower curtain  quicker than a politician can shift
> positions.)
> Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the
> skin from your body.  Your advantage here is that you are smart and
> know how to dress to protect yourself.  I recommend canvas overalls
> tucked  into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh
> gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak
> jacket.
> Prepare everything in advance.  There is no time to go out for a
> towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket.  Draw
> the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass
> enclosure.  Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying
> on your back in the water.
> Use the element of surprise.  Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to
> simply carry him to his supper dish.  (Cats will not usually notice
> your strange attire.  They have little or no interest in fashion as a
> rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking
>  part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)
> Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival.  In
> a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub
> enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and
> squirt him with shampoo.  You have begun one of the wildest 45
> seconds of your life.
> Cats have no handles.  Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and
> the problem is radically compounded.  Do not expect to hold on to him
> for more than two or three seconds at a time.  When you have him,
> however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and
> rub like crazy.  He'll then spring free and fall back into the water,
> thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three
> latherings, so don't expect too much.)
> Next, the cat must be dried.  Novice cat bathers always assume this
> part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at
> this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact,
> the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through.
> That's  because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your
> right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for
> your towel and  wait.
> (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of
> your army helmet.  If this happens, the best thing you can do is to
> shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the
> water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach
> down and dry the cat.
> In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg.
> He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will
> spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you.  He might even
> become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster
> figurine.
> You will be tempted to assume he is angry.  This isn't usually the
> case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your
> defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him
> a bath.
> But at least now he smells a lot better..."
> Marge Talt, zone 7 Maryland
> mtalt@hort.net
> Editor:  Gardening in Shade
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