The Owl & the Barber Shop
Anyone remember James T. Fields's "The Owl Critic"?
Saturday, I went to the barbershop of my choice [svelte but tatooed
blond chick] and arrived in time to be the first customer of her
fat-chick employee second-chair barber. As I sat in the second chair,
removed my chapeau, and said "take it all off," she said, "You won't
believe what happened to me last night, honey!"
Right. I'm a 70-something geezer and she's a 30-something hefty babe. I
can't imagine what has happened to her ever, let alone the night
before... and certainly not on the spur of the moment. Then she says,
not just to me but to the assembled patrons and employees, "I was on my
way to Melody's house, because she was in bad shape on account of Carl
being in jail, and I was driving real slow--Melody lives in my
neighborhood, and we drive real slow in that neighborhod--and I had the
driver's window down. Suddenly, something hit me in the side of the
head, whap!, and skimmed past me, and landed in the rider's seat.
"So I fumbled around and found the my pickup's cab light and turned in
on. It was an owl! A goddam owl had flown in the window, hit me in the
head, and was now twitching and flopping on the seat next to me. Shit,
I didn't know if it was rabid or not, so I jumped out of the truck.
Then I realized the truck was still going so I chased it down the road
a ways and jumped back in.
"I finally got to Melody's house and pulled in the drive, slammed on
the emergency brake, and ran inside. Melody was sitting on the couch
and crying and I yelled, "Babe, be with me for a minute, will ya! I got
a terrible headache and a dying owl on the front seat of my truck. You
got a shovel or something so I can get it out?
Melody quit crying long enough to say Carl probably had a shovel, but
he was in jail and she didn't know where it might be.
It took almost as long to get my hair cut as it took to get the dead
owl out of the truck.
27.0 N, 82.4 W
Minimum 30 F [-1 C]
Maximum 100 F [38 C]
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