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Re: Re: Re: now dysfunctional

Pam: I know that in certain respects the term dysfunctional is
completely relative...after all, even the most bizzarre behavior, if it
is helping one to survive a god awful experience--such as the
dissociation that some children learn to engage in while being
abused--can be functional. Problem is, that once those behaviors persist
even in the absence of the stressors that originated it, then it becomes

And as for Marty, even he succumbed for many years to substance
abuse...the first seven years of our marriage was a constant battle with
his alcoholism and subsequent recovery. But...I do think his family
background is what enabled him to successfully (so far and God willing
in the future) live a life of recovery...he had exceptional role models
for parents and lots of love and support from his entire extended family
and circle of friends. He was able to see, when given the choice, that
he could not be a good father and a good drinker at the same time and he
chose his kids over his booze. It was a hard choice for me to have to
give him, but having been raised in an alcoholic family myself there was
no way I was putting my kids through that...Funny then, isn't it that I
married an alcoholic, knowing full well what he was. I guess when they
say you unconsciously choose people in your adult life to help work out
issues from your childhood, they must have been talking about me.
Fortunately, it worked. ;-) Or I'd be locked up in a mental ward
somewhere instead of working in one. LOL!

Melody, IA (Z 5/4)

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."    
--Albert Einstein

 --- On Fri 07/09,  < gardenqueen@academicplanet.com > wrote:
From:  [mailto: gardenqueen@academicplanet.com]
To: gardenchat@hort.net
Date: Fri, 9 Jul 2004 06:20:51 -0500
Subject: Re: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks, wedding..

Dysfunction is universal dear. Some cases more extreme than others.
Some<br>cold rainy day I'll tell you about my looney-tunes first cousin
and her<br>father. Bonkers now. And yes, Marty does seem more well
adjusted than<br>the norm, real Rock of Gibraltar type, n'est
pas??<br><br><br>Pam Evans<br>Kemp, TX<br>zone 8A<br>----- Original
Message -----<br>From: Melody<br>Sent: 7/8/2004 8:04:37 PM<br>To:
gardenchat@hort.net<br>Subject: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks,
wedding..<br><br>&gt; Ya know...I grew up thinking all families were as
bad as mine...I didn't<br>&gt; know it was dysfunctional...thought that
was normal. Then I thought I<br>&gt; learned differently when I met my
husband's family and friends. Now<br>&gt; maybe, thanks to all of
you...I'm beginning to think it's my husband's<br>&gt; family that is
abnormal and the screwed up rest of us...are more normal<br>&gt; than we
think we are. LOL!!! :-)<br>&gt; <br>&gt; <br>&gt; <br>&gt; Melody, IA
(Z 5/4)<br>&gt; <br>&gt; &quot;The most beautiful thing we can
experience is the mysterious.&quot; <br>&gt; --Albert Einstein<br>&gt;
<br>&gt; --- On Thu 07/08, Jesse Bell &lt; silverhawk@flash.net &gt;
wrote:<br>&gt; From: Jesse Bell [mailto: silverhawk@flash.net]<br>&gt;
To: gardenchat@hort.net<br>&gt; Date: Thu, 8 Jul 2004 12:44:46 -0700
(PDT)<br>&gt; Subject: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks, wedding..<br>&gt;
<br>&gt; OHMYGOSH Kitty...that's horrible. Geeeeez Louise. So....your
family<br>&gt; and&lt;br&gt;my family sound related?! Are we cousins?
Feel free to jump in<br>&gt; there&lt;br&gt;Andrea...(Andrea and I trade
stories about our family all<br>&gt;
&lt;kmrsy@comcast.net&gt;<br>&gt; wrote:&lt;br&gt;Re &gt; &gt; Well, the
dysfunctional part would be:...&lt;br&gt;Jesse, I<br>&gt; was being
facetious when I asked. However, your fleshing out<br>&gt;
the&lt;br&gt;material was pretty interesting, so, if I were to say I
still<br>&gt; didn't get it,&lt;br&gt;maybe you'd tell us more?

;+)&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;To balance this I<br>&gt; can add that my older
sister decided to kill herself on my&lt;br&gt;wedding<br>&gt; day
(didn't succeed) apparently because I asked her to make
a&lt;br&gt;turkey.<br>&gt; The turkey was the simplest thing I could
come up with for her as&lt;br&gt;she<br>&gt; kept asking for something
to contribute. Then for my second wedding<br>&gt; I&lt;br&gt;came darned
close to trying to kill myself, so yes, I can<br>&gt;
relate.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Kitty&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;----- Original
Message ----- &lt;br&gt;From:<br>&gt; &quot;Jesse Bell&quot;
&lt;br&gt;To: &lt;br&gt;Sent: Thursday, July 08, 2004 1:33<br>&gt;
PM&lt;br&gt;Subject: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks,
wedding..&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; Oh<br>&gt; yes...I did the
shower and helped plan the food and coordinate.<br>&gt;
They&lt;br&gt;&gt; got married on the 2nd of July but did not leave for
the&lt;br&gt;&gt;<br>&gt; cruise/honeymoon till Monday so on Sunday we
had the new in-law<br>&gt; family&lt;br&gt;&gt; and our family (parents,
brothers, sister, aunts, etc) at<br>&gt; our house for&lt;br&gt;&gt; a
cookout, drinks and fireworks. The groom's, mother,<br>&gt; father
and&lt;br&gt;&gt; stepmother were there. That was funny to watch<br>&gt;
too.&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; Well, the dysfunctional
part would be: the second ex<br>&gt; wife who is no&lt;br&gt;&gt;
relation to the bride or groom, and when my<br>&gt; stepdaughter lived
with her,&lt;br&gt;&gt; they HATED each other, and yet she was<br>&gt;
escorted down the aisle like she&lt;br&gt;&gt; was FAMILY for Pete's
sake. NOBODY<br>&gt; wanted her there but my stepdaughter&lt;br&gt;&gt;
didn't want to &quot;hurt her<br>&gt; feelings&quot; so when she invited
herself to the&lt;br&gt;&gt; wedding...Nic said<br>&gt;
&quot;well....O.K.&quot;. This is the woman who spread
horrible&lt;br&gt;&gt; rumors about<br>&gt; my husband and his family
that were not true....yet odd<br>&gt; <br>&gt; ly&lt;br&gt;&gt;
enough...continues to impose at our family<br>&g

functions.&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; AND...the people in
my family and my<br>&gt; husband''s ex who can't seem to&lt;br&gt;&gt;
function in this world unless they<br>&gt; have taken some sort of drug
or have&lt;br&gt;&gt; a glass of alcohol in their<br>&gt; hands...or
worse..they've MIXED them...and&lt;br&gt;&gt; become so obnoxious
you<br>&gt; can't stand to be around them. Remember the
old&lt;br&gt;&gt; toys you got in the<br>&gt; gum machine...the black
and white scottie dogs that&lt;br&gt;&gt; were magnets?<br>&gt; and if
you pushed one towards the other it would scoot&lt;br&gt;&gt; away?
Well,<br>&gt; that would be my sister or my husband's ex...they would
come&lt;br&gt;&gt; into a<br>&gt; room and you could see people start to
scoot out of there....they&lt;br&gt;&gt;<br>&gt; would continue with
this scenario until somebody had to say &quot;I<br>&gt;
think&lt;br&gt;&gt; you've had enough...go home and sleep it off&quot;.
My sister<br>&gt; left. The&lt;br&gt;&gt; ex...well she made a scene and
was there until the last<br>&gt; person was gone.&lt;br&gt;&gt; She was
out back drinking shots of Yagermeister (I<br>&gt; KNOW I didn't
spell&lt;br&gt;&gt; that right). That stuff is like
Tequila...it'll<br>&gt; will kill ya after a few&lt;br&gt;&gt; shots.
Kitty<br>&gt; wrote:&lt;br&gt;&gt; So what was the dysfunctional
part?&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; Since this was<br>&gt; your
stepdaughter, did you have any part in the planning of&lt;br&gt;&gt;
the<br>&gt; event?&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt;
Kitty&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; ----- Original Message -----
&lt;br&gt;&gt;<br>&gt; From: &quot;Jesse Bell&quot;&lt;br&gt;&gt;
To:&lt;br&gt;&gt; Sent: Thursday, July 08, 2004 12:10<br>&gt;
PM&lt;br&gt;&gt; Subject: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks,
wedding..&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt;<br>&gt; &gt; Well,
in my zone the four o'clocks get bigger and bigger
&quot;tubers&quot;<br>&gt; as&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; they mature. I have
some that are

as big as a sweet<br>&gt; potato....and they&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; get BIG,
but are slower to bloom.&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt;<br>&gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; As for the wedding....you have to know that (A)
I come from a<br>&gt; very&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; dysfunctional family, (B)
my husband's two ex's are<br>&gt; dysfunctional and&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
way &quot;out there&quot;, (c) my stepdaughter and her<br>&gt; new
husband are from &quot;that&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; generation&quot; as my
husband puts it...so<br>&gt; half of the wedding guests
were&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; rather conservative...and &quot;that<br>&gt;
generation&quot; made up the other&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; ha<br>&gt;
<br>&gt; lf<br>&gt; ...(facial piercing, tattoos all over, dressed
rather oddly...and&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;<br>&gt; when you walked out back
of the reception hall...the smell of pot<br>&gt; was&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
THICK let me tell ya). I had to make my sister go home<br>&gt; because
she had&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; too much to drink (act surprised) and was
hitting<br>&gt; on my brother-in-law&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; (who is very
married). The mother of the<br>&gt; bride (husband's first ex)
had&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; not eaten all day, took a<br>&gt;
Valium before the wedding and proceeded to get&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
totally trashed at<br>&gt; the reception (not a pretty sight) and the
second ex,&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; who really<br>&gt; had no business being
there but she invited herself, was&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; hovering<br>&gt;
around trying to mingle and most of them wanted nothing to
do&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;<br>&gt; with her.&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt;
&gt; BUT...the ceremony itself was nice. (deep<br>&gt; breath)
So...that's one child&lt;br&gt;&gt; down and five more to go. I hope
the<br>&gt; others wait awhile.&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
Kitty wrote:&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; Well, I have seen<br>&gt; some JB holes
on a few of the leaves, but I don't see&lt;br&gt;&gt; any&lt;br&gt;&gt;
&gt;<br>&gt; carcasses. They are only just now beginning to

oom, so maybe<br>&gt; their&lt;br&gt;lure&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; will be
stronger as the season progresses.&lt;br&gt;&gt;<br>&gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; Re&gt; That was a LOT of work, let me tell
ya&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; Yes, please<br>&gt; do!&lt;br&gt;&gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; Kitty&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
----- Original Message ----- &lt;br&gt;&gt;<br>&gt; &gt; From:
&quot;Jesse Bell&quot;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; To:&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; Sent:
Thursday, July 08, 2004<br>&gt; 10:30 AM&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; Subject:
[CHAT] Re: self-sowers/still catching up..&lt;br&gt;&gt;<br>&gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; Still trying to catch up
on e-mails. I didn't read<br>&gt; them for 4-5 days&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
&gt; because of my daughter's wedding. That was a<br>&gt; LOT of work,
let me tell&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; ya. Anyway...yes Kitty...I sent
you<br>&gt; some Four O'Clock seeds..thinking&lt;br&gt;it&lt;br&gt;&gt;
&gt; &gt; would help with the<br>&gt; Japanese Beetle problem you were
having. Did it&lt;br&gt;help&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; at all?<br>&gt; Or
is that an old wive's tale?&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; Kitty<br>&gt;
wrote:&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; You know, I think it was Jesse.
Thanks!&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; Kitty&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
----- Original Message ----- &lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
From:&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; To:&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; Sent:
Sunday, July 04, 2004 1:02 PM&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; Subject:
Re:<br>&gt; Re: [CHAT] self<br>&gt; <br>&gt; -sowers&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; Probably Jesse
or moi Kitty - we<br>&gt; both have them all over the
place!&lt;br&gt;&gt; Love&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; 'em
though!<br>&gt; Anyone who needs seeds holler - I have tons of
them.&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; Pam Evans&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;
Kemp, TX&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;

zone 8A&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; ----- Original Message
-----&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; From: Kitty&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt; Sent:<br>&gt; 7/4/2004 12:46:29 PM&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; To:
gardenchat@hort.net&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; Subject: Re:
[CHAT] self-sowers&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt; Well, maybe it<br>&gt; was Pam, I know she grows 4 O'Clocks.
Whomever -&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; thanks!&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; too bad about the sting, I
hate<br>&gt; losing a day. Take care of&lt;br&gt;yourself.&lt;br&gt;&gt;
&gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
&gt;<br>&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; Kitty&lt;br&gt;&gt;
&gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; ----- Original Message
----- &lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;
From:&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt; To:&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;
Sent: Sunday, July 04, 2004<br>&gt; 12:07 PM&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; Subject: Re: [CHAT]
self-sowers&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;<br>&gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;
In a<br>&gt; message dated 7/4/2004 11:41:05 AM Central Standard
Time,&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt; kmrsy@comcast.net writes:&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;
&gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; Balsam, yeah, I need
to grow that next year.&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt; &gt;<br>&gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;&lt;br&gt;&gt;
&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; I did not send you the Mirabilis jalapa<br>&gt;
seeds, but I surely do&lt

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