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Re: Re: Re: Re: now dysfunctional


I'm delighted all worked out!!  And 40 is awesome dear, the 40's are great period.

Pam Evans
Kemp, TX
zone 8A
----- Original Message -----
From: Melody
Sent: 7/10/2004 5:54:49 AM
To: gardenchat@hort.net
Subject: Re: Re: [CHAT] Re: now dysfunctional

> Pam: I know that in certain respects the term dysfunctional is
> completely relative...after all, even the most bizzarre behavior, if it
> is helping one to survive a god awful experience--such as the
> dissociation that some children learn to engage in while being
> abused--can be functional. Problem is, that once those behaviors persist
> even in the absence of the stressors that originated it, then it becomes
> dysfunctional.
> 
> 
> And as for Marty, even he succumbed for many years to substance
> abuse...the first seven years of our marriage was a constant battle with
> his alcoholism and subsequent recovery. But...I do think his family
> background is what enabled him to successfully (so far and God willing
> in the future) live a life of recovery...he had exceptional role models
> for parents and lots of love and support from his entire extended family
> and circle of friends. He was able to see, when given the choice, that
> he could not be a good father and a good drinker at the same time and he
> chose his kids over his booze. It was a hard choice for me to have to
> give him, but having been raised in an alcoholic family myself there was
> no way I was putting my kids through that...Funny then, isn't it that I
> married an alcoholic, knowing full well what he was. I guess when they
> say you unconsciously choose people in your adult life to help work out
> issues from your childhood, they must have been talking about me.
> Fortunately, it worked. ;-) Or I'd be locked up in a mental ward
> somewhere instead of working in one. LOL!
> 
> 
> Melody, IA (Z 5/4)
> 
> "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."    
> --Albert Einstein
> 
>  --- On Fri 07/09,  < gardenqueen@academicplanet.com > wrote:
> From:  [mailto: gardenqueen@academicplanet.com]
> To: gardenchat@hort.net
> Date: Fri, 9 Jul 2004 06:20:51 -0500
> Subject: Re: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks, wedding..
> 
> Dysfunction is universal dear. Some cases more extreme than others.
> Some<br>cold rainy day I'll tell you about my looney-tunes first cousin
> and her<br>father. Bonkers now. And yes, Marty does seem more well
> adjusted than<br>the norm, real Rock of Gibraltar type, n'est
> pas??<br><br><br>Pam Evans<br>Kemp, TX<br>zone 8A<br>----- Original
> Message -----<br>From: Melody<br>Sent: 7/8/2004 8:04:37 PM<br>To:
> gardenchat@hort.net<br>Subject: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks,
> wedding..<br><br>> Ya know...I grew up thinking all families were as
> bad as mine...I didn't<br>> know it was dysfunctional...thought that
> was normal. Then I thought I<br>> learned differently when I met my
> husband's family and friends. Now<br>> maybe, thanks to all of
> you...I'm beginning to think it's my husband's<br>> family that is
> abnormal and the screwed up rest of us...are more normal<br>> than we
> think we are. LOL!!! :-)<br>> <br>> <br>> <br>> Melody, IA
> (Z 5/4)<br>> <br>> "The most beautiful thing we can
> experience is the mysterious." <br>> --Albert Einstein<br>>
> <br>> --- On Thu 07/08, Jesse Bell < silverhawk@flash.net >
> wrote:<br>> From: Jesse Bell [mailto: silverhawk@flash.net]<br>>
> To: gardenchat@hort.net<br>> Date: Thu, 8 Jul 2004 12:44:46 -0700
> (PDT)<br>> Subject: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks, wedding..<br>>
> <br>> OHMYGOSH Kitty...that's horrible. Geeeeez Louise. So....your
> family<br>> and<br>my family sound related?! Are we cousins?
> Feel free to jump in<br>> there<br>Andrea...(Andrea and I trade
> stories about our family all<br>>
> the<br>time...LOL).<br><br>
> <br>Jesse<br><br>Kitty
> <kmrsy@comcast.net><br>> wrote:<br>Re > > Well, the
> dysfunctional part would be:...<br>Jesse, I<br>> was being
> facetious when I asked. However, your fleshing out<br>>
> the<br>material was pretty interesting, so, if I were to say I
> still<br>> didn't get it,<br>maybe you'd tell us more?
> 
> ;+)<br><br>To balance this I<br>> can add that my older
> sister decided to kill herself on my<br>wedding<br>> day
> (didn't succeed) apparently because I asked her to make
> a<br>turkey.<br>> The turkey was the simplest thing I could
> come up with for her as<br>she<br>> kept asking for something
> to contribute. Then for my second wedding<br>> I<br>came darned
> close to trying to kill myself, so yes, I can<br>>
> relate.<br><br>Kitty<br><br>----- Original
> Message ----- <br>From:<br>> "Jesse Bell"
> <br>To: <br>Sent: Thursday, July 08, 2004 1:33<br>>
> PM<br>Subject: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks,
> wedding..<br><br><br>> Oh<br>> yes...I did the
> shower and helped plan the food and coordinate.<br>>
> They<br>> got married on the 2nd of July but did not leave for
> the<br>><br>> cruise/honeymoon till Monday so on Sunday we
> had the new in-law<br>> family<br>> and our family (parents,
> brothers, sister, aunts, etc) at<br>> our house for<br>> a
> cookout, drinks and fireworks. The groom's, mother,<br>> father
> and<br>> stepmother were there. That was funny to watch<br>>
> too.<br>><br>><br>> Well, the dysfunctional
> part would be: the second ex<br>> wife who is no<br>>
> relation to the bride or groom, and when my<br>> stepdaughter lived
> with her,<br>> they HATED each other, and yet she was<br>>
> escorted down the aisle like she<br>> was FAMILY for Pete's
> sake. NOBODY<br>> wanted her there but my stepdaughter<br>>
> didn't want to "hurt her<br>> feelings" so when she invited
> herself to the<br>> wedding...Nic said<br>>
> "well....O.K.". This is the woman who spread
> horrible<br>> rumors about<br>> my husband and his family
> that were not true....yet odd<br>> <br>> ly<br>>
> enough...continues to impose at our family<br>&g
> 
> t;
> functions.<br>><br>><br>> AND...the people in
> my family and my<br>> husband''s ex who can't seem to<br>>
> function in this world unless they<br>> have taken some sort of drug
> or have<br>> a glass of alcohol in their<br>> hands...or
> worse..they've MIXED them...and<br>> become so obnoxious
> you<br>> can't stand to be around them. Remember the
> old<br>> toys you got in the<br>> gum machine...the black
> and white scottie dogs that<br>> were magnets?<br>> and if
> you pushed one towards the other it would scoot<br>> away?
> Well,<br>> that would be my sister or my husband's ex...they would
> come<br>> into a<br>> room and you could see people start to
> scoot out of there....they<br>><br>> would continue with
> this scenario until somebody had to say "I<br>>
> think<br>> you've had enough...go home and sleep it off".
> My sister<br>> left. The<br>> ex...well she made a scene and
> was there until the last<br>> person was gone.<br>> She was
> out back drinking shots of Yagermeister (I<br>> KNOW I didn't
> spell<br>> that right). That stuff is like
> Tequila...it'll<br>> will kill ya after a few<br>> shots.
> UGHHH.<br>><br>><br>><br>>
> Kitty<br>> wrote:<br>> So what was the dysfunctional
> part?<br>><br>> Since this was<br>> your
> stepdaughter, did you have any part in the planning of<br>>
> the<br>> event?<br>><br>>
> Kitty<br>><br>> ----- Original Message -----
> <br>><br>> From: "Jesse Bell"<br>>
> To:<br>> Sent: Thursday, July 08, 2004 12:10<br>>
> PM<br>> Subject: Re: [CHAT] Re: Four O'Clocks,
> wedding..<br>><br>><br>><br>> > Well,
> in my zone the four o'clocks get bigger and bigger
> "tubers"<br>> as<br>> > they mature. I have
> some that are
> 
> as big as a sweet<br>> potato....and they<br>> > get BIG,
> but are slower to bloom.<br>> ><br>><br>>
> ><br>> > As for the wedding....you have to know that (A)
> I come from a<br>> very<br>> > dysfunctional family, (B)
> my husband's two ex's are<br>> dysfunctional and<br>> >
> way "out there", (c) my stepdaughter and her<br>> new
> husband are from "that<br>> > generation" as my
> husband puts it...so<br>> half of the wedding guests
> were<br>> > rather conservative...and "that<br>>
> generation" made up the other<br>> > ha<br>>
> <br>> lf<br>> ...(facial piercing, tattoos all over, dressed
> rather oddly...and<br>> ><br>> when you walked out back
> of the reception hall...the smell of pot<br>> was<br>> >
> THICK let me tell ya). I had to make my sister go home<br>> because
> she had<br>> > too much to drink (act surprised) and was
> hitting<br>> on my brother-in-law<br>> > (who is very
> married). The mother of the<br>> bride (husband's first ex)
> had<br><br>> > not eaten all day, took a<br>>
> Valium before the wedding and proceeded to get<br>> >
> totally trashed at<br>> the reception (not a pretty sight) and the
> second ex,<br>> > who really<br>> had no business being
> there but she invited herself, was<br>> > hovering<br>>
> around trying to mingle and most of them wanted nothing to
> do<br>> ><br>> with her.<br>> ><br>>
> > BUT...the ceremony itself was nice. (deep<br>> breath)
> So...that's one child<br>> down and five more to go. I hope
> the<br>> others wait awhile.<br>> ><br>> >
> Kitty wrote:<br>> > Well, I have seen<br>> some JB holes
> on a few of the leaves, but I don't see<br>> any<br>>
> ><br>> carcasses. They are only just now beginning to
> 
> bl
> oom, so maybe<br>> their<br>lure<br>> > will be
> stronger as the season progresses.<br>><br>>
> ><br>> > Re> That was a LOT of work, let me tell
> ya<br>> > Yes, please<br>> do!<br>>
> ><br>> > Kitty<br>> ><br>> >
> ----- Original Message ----- <br>><br>> > From:
> "Jesse Bell"<br>> > To:<br>> > Sent:
> Thursday, July 08, 2004<br>> 10:30 AM<br>> > Subject:
> [CHAT] Re: self-sowers/still catching up..<br>><br>>
> ><br>> ><br>> > > Still trying to catch up
> on e-mails. I didn't read<br>> them for 4-5 days<br>> >
> > because of my daughter's wedding. That was a<br>> LOT of work,
> let me tell<br>> > > ya. Anyway...yes Kitty...I sent
> you<br>> some Four O'Clock seeds..thinking<br>it<br>>
> > > would help with the<br>> Japanese Beetle problem you were
> having. Did it<br>help<br>> > > at all?<br>> Or
> is that an old wive's tale?<br>> > ><br>> >
> ><br>> > ><br>> > > Kitty<br>>
> wrote:<br>> > > You know, I think it was Jesse.
> Thanks!<br>> > ><br>> Kitty<br>> > >
> ----- Original Message ----- <br>> > >
> From:<br>> > ><br>> To:<br>> > > Sent:
> Sunday, July 04, 2004 1:02 PM<br>> > > Subject:
> Re:<br>> Re: [CHAT] self<br>> <br>> -sowers<br>> >
> ><br>> > ><br>> > > > Probably Jesse
> or moi Kitty - we<br>> both have them all over the
> place!<br>> Love<br>> > > > 'em
> though!<br>> Anyone who needs seeds holler - I have tons of
> them.<br>> > > ><br>> > ><br>>
> ><br>> > > > Pam Evans<br>> > > >
> Kemp, TX<br>> > > >
> 
> zone 8A<br>> > > ><br>> ----- Original Message
> -----<br>> > > > From: Kitty<br>> > >
> > Sent:<br>> 7/4/2004 12:46:29 PM<br>> > > > To:
> gardenchat@hort.net<br>> > > ><br>> Subject: Re:
> [CHAT] self-sowers<br>> > > ><br>> > >
> > > Well, maybe it<br>> was Pam, I know she grows 4 O'Clocks.
> Whomever -<br>> > thanks!<br>> > ><br>>
> ><br>> > > > ><br>> > >
> ><br>> > > > > too bad about the sting, I
> hate<br>> losing a day. Take care of<br>yourself.<br>>
> > > ><br>> > > > ><br>> >
> ><br>> ><br>> > > > > Kitty<br>>
> > > ><br>> > > > ><br>> > >
> ><br>> > > > ><br>> ----- Original Message
> ----- <br>> > > ><br>> > > > >
> From:<br>> > ><br>> ><br>> > > >
> > To:<br>> > > ><br>> > > > >
> Sent: Sunday, July 04, 2004<br>> 12:07 PM<br>> > >
> ><br>> > > > > Subject: Re: [CHAT]
> self-sowers<br>> ><br>> > ><br>> > >
> > ><br>> > > ><br>> > > >
> ><br>> > > ><br>> > > > > >
> In a<br>> message dated 7/4/2004 11:41:05 AM Central Standard
> Time,<br>> > ><br>> ><br>> > > >
> > > kmrsy@comcast.net writes:<br>> > >
> ><br>> > > > > ><br>> Balsam, yeah, I need
> to grow that next year.<br>> > > ><br>> >
> > > ><br>> ><br>> > > ><br>>
> > > > > > I did not send you the Mirabilis jalapa<br>>
> seeds, but I surely do<
> 
> ;b
> or
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