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- Subject: Re: Agenda
- From: ShayDguy@aol.com
- Date: Sun, 30 Apr 2000 09:46:29 EDT
To all my Right-wing friends--here it is!!! You have been wondering just
what the Homosexual Agenda is--read on:
The Homosexual Agenda
8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.
8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a
count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.
8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake
next to you and tell them you are
late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry"
you help him look for his far-flung underwear.
You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last
you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs,
but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.
8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name alludes you, "It was fun. I'll give
a call," as you usher him out the door,
avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone
it when you get to the kitchen.
8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show.
the stories you've heard about
Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.
8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and
only shirt that is clean.
8:45 a.m. Climb into red Miata and try not to look too much like Barbie
one of her accessories as you pull
out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.
9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.
9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy
spent the night at your condo.
Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add
doesn't matter what everyone else
thinks, just as long as you love him."
10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a
Pretend not to notice her insubordinate
roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda
11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you
Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes
talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines,
preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit
parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.
12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know
will end up shirtless.
12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower,
taking ten minutes to knot your tie while
you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of
someone used to wearing a t-back and having
dollars stuffed in their crotch.
1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis
from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a
hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar,
are whisked past the Christian
heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since
2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.
3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments
addition to other nations' governments);
destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades
Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle;
secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent
children; give AIDS to as many people as
you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and
people away from Jesus, causing them to
burn forever in Hell.
4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western
Civilization and look like you are having way
too much fun doing it.
4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of
conquest and being so terribly witty.
6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.
6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.
7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch.
7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch
actually begin shopping.
8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you
"over" by the time it gets its first review
in the local paper.
10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic
who can't navigate a crowd with a lit
cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make
audible remark about how "trashy" people
who still think smoking is acceptable are.
12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.
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