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Re: A Christmas Story



  A Dieter's Christmas
  
  Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
  were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips
  Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
  in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there
  While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps
  had just settled down to sugar-borne naps
  When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
  I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
  Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
  tore open the icebox then threw up the sash
  The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
  sent thoughts of a binge to my body below
  When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
  a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
  That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
  I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick
  The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer
  I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear
  On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
  a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox
  From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
  now dash away pounds now dash away all
  Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
  my clothes were all bulging from too much excess
  My droll little mouth and my round little belly
  they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly
  I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
  ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk
  And laying a finger beside my heartburn
  I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned
  I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry
  if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by
  And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
  in the morning I'll starve...'til I take that first bite!

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