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Re: The Night before Christmas...



  NIght Before Christmas
 
  Twas the night before Christmas and all through the
  kitchen  I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
  I've been here for hours, I cant stop to rest
   This rooms a disaster, just look at this mess!
  
   Tommorow I've got thirty people to feed
   They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need !
   My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs
   The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
  
   There's a knock at the door and the telephones ringing
   Frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
   Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done
   My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
  
   I've had alI I can stand, I can;t take anymore
   Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
  He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady
  Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
  
   He looks all around and with total regret
   Says "What's taking so long....aren't you through in
  here yet?"
   As quick as a flash I reach for a knife
   He loses an earlobe - I wanted his life!
  
   He flees from the room in terror and pain
   and screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!"
   Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
   Oh shit, it's the pies!! They're burned all to hell!!
  
   I hate to admit when I make a mistake
   But I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
  What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
   If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
  
   Now, don't get me wrong, I love holidays
   It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
   But I promise you one thing, if I live till next year,
   You wont find me pulling my hair out in here.
  
   I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter
   and if that doesnt work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!
  

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