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Re: Parent Test



  > > Are you ready?
  > >     > > How to tell whether or not you are ready to have children!
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE MESS TEST:
  > >     > > Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands
  > > in
  > >     > > the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with
  > > crayons.
  > >     > > Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all
  > > summer.
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE TOY TEST:
  > >     > > Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available,
  > > you
  > >     > > may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend
  > > spread
  > > them
  > >     > > all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the
  > > bathroom
  > > or
  > >     > > kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a sleeping child.)
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE GROCERY STORE TEST:
  > >     > > Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them
  > > with
  > >     > > you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight
  > > and
  > > pay for
  > >     > > anything they eat or damage.
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE DRESSING TEST:
  > >     > > Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net
  > > bag,
  > >     > > making sure that all arms stay inside.
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE FEEDING TEST:
  > >     > > Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water.
  > > Suspend
  > >     > > from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try
  > > to
  > > insert
  > >     > > spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into
  > > the
  > > mouth
  > >     > > of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. When finished,
  > > dump
  > > the
  > >     > > contents of the jug on the floor.
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE NIGHT TEST:
  > >     > > Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12
  > > pounds
  > >     > > of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to waltz and
  > > hum
  > > with
  > >     > > the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
  > > 10pm.
  > > Get up,
  > >     > > pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make
  > > up
  > > about a
  > >     > > dozen more and sing these until 4 am. Set alarm for 5 am. Get up
  > > and
  > > make
  > >     > > breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):
  > >     > > Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to your front under
  > > your
  > >     > > clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the
  > > beans.
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
  > >     > > Go to the nearest drugstore. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask
  > > the
  > >     > > clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go
  > > to
  > > the
  > >     > > head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly
  > > deposited to
  > > the
  > >     > > store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the
  > > last
  > > time.
  > >     > >
  > >     > >
  > >     > > THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT:
  > >     > > Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how
  > >     > > they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
  > > training,
  > >     > > and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve.
  > > Emphasize to
  > >     > > them that they should never allow their children to run rampant.
  > > Enjoy this
  > >     > > experience. It will be the last time you have all the answers.
 

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