A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada
one day, carrying a bag of money.
She insisted that she must speak with the president
of the bank to open a savings account because,
"It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff
finally ushered her into the president's office
(the customer is always right)!
The bank president then asked her how much
she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped
the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how
she came by all this cash,
so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're
carrying so much cash around.
Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets?
What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "well, for example,
I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president,
"That's a stupid bet.
You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged,
"So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president,
"I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady than said,
"Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved,
may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M.
as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous
about the bet and spent a long time in front of
mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side,
again and again.
He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that
there was absolutely no way his balls were square and
that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the
little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the
She introduced the lawyer to the president and
repeated the bet"
"$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet
again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants
so they could all see.
The president complied.
The little old lady peered closely at his balls and
then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, okay," said the president,
$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging
his head against the wall.
The president asked the old lady,
"What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him
$100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today,
I'd have the Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
A pretty girl is driving through the west. Her car runs out of gas, and
an Indian comes along on a horse and gives her a ride to a gas station.
Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk.
Finally, he drops her off with a final "Yaaaaaa-Hoooooo!" and gallops
"My god!" says the gas station guy. "What were you doing to that Indian
to make him holler like that?" "Why, nothing," says the girl, "I just
sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."
"Lady," says the guy, "Indians don't use saddles."
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency room, when a young woman
> > > purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
> > tattoos,
> > > and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
> > patient
> > > had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
> > she
> > > was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
> > > pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
> > &
> > > quote; 'Keep off the grass'.
> > > Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
> > the
> > > patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn".
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