A little boy went up to his father and asked:
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from
your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
A Blonde Puzzle
One morning, a blonde called her boyfriend and said,
"Please come over
and help me. I have this awesome jigsaw puzzle, and
I can't figure out how to start it."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it a puzzle of?" The
blonde said, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's boyfriend figures that he's pretty good
at puzzles, so he
heads over to her place. She lets him in the door
and shows him where she has
the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies
the pieces for a moment, then he studies the box.
He then turns to her and says, "First, no matter
what I do, I'm notgoing
to be able to show you how to assemble these pieces
to look like the picture of that tiger."
Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of
coffee, and put all these
Frosted Flakes back in the box."
The Doctor's Office
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with
several other doctors.
When he arrived, the waiting room was filled with patients. He approached
the reception desk.
The receptionist was a large, imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He
gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE
YOUR NAME HERE, YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look
at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE
COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION; AND I'D LIKE THE SAME DOCTOR
THAT DID YOURS."
Things not to say to police officers:
1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
2. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
3. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
4. Are You Andy or Barney?
5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.
6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
7. I pay your salary!
8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning,
9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars
around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been
drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look
glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
The blond had been married about a year when one
day the she came
running up to her husband jumping for joy.
Not knowing how to react, the husband started
jumping up and down along
"Why are we so happy?" he asked.
"Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
She said. "Great" he
said, tell me what you're so happy about."
She stopped jumping and was breathless from all
the jumping up and down.
"I'm pregnant!" she gasped.
The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying
for a while.
He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling
her how wonderful it
was, and that he couldn't be happier.
Then she said "Oh, honey there's more."
"What do you mean more?", he asked.
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are
going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after
getting pregnant, he asked
her how she knew.
"It was easy" she said, "I went to the pharmacy
and bought the 2 pack
home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out
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