Re: HORRENDOUS Groaners...
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- Subject: Re: HORRENDOUS Groaners...
- From: ShayDguy@aol.com
- Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2000 12:02:04 EDT
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in
a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm
shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just
have to be a little patient."
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One
day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some
more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to
wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested
and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and
said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It
turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their
compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico
rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the
expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory
equipment. A police department spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We
have absolutely nothing to go on."
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
Leif off my census."
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