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The Redneck 25-Question Sex Quiz
> >
> >1.) A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >2.) Asphalt describes rectal problems.
> > [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >3.) Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >4.) Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
> > [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >5.) The clitoris is a type of flower.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >6.) A G-string is part of a fiddle.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >7.) Semen is a term for sailors.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >8.) Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
> >    [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >9.) Testicles are found on an Octopus.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >10.) A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >11.) KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
> > [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >12.) Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >13.) Coitus is a musical instrument.
> > [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >14.) Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
> >  [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >15.) An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >16.) A condom is a large apartment complex.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >17.) An orgasm is a person who accompanies a  church choir.
> > [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >18.) A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >19.) A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >20.) An erection is when Japanese people vote.
> > [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >21.) A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >22.) Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >23.) Pornography is the business of making records.
> >       [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >24.) Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
> > [ True ] or [ False ]
> >
> >25.) Douche is the French word for "twelve."
> >    [ True ] or [ False ]





   
   





After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation
announced the following results on corporate America's recreation
preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated
  people is: Basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees
  is: Bowling.

3. The sport of choice for front line workers
  is: Football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf.

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure,
           the smaller your balls become.






>
>  A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a
> plane.
>
>  The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her
>  legs.
>
>  The man isn't sure he saw what she did and decides he is probably
>  hallucinating.
>
>  A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue
>  and gently wipes it between her legs.
>
>  The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what he's
>  seeing.
>
>  A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again.
>  She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again
>
>  The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and
>  says,"Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue
>  and wiped it between your legs! What kind of signals are you sending
>  me, or are you just trying to drive me crazy?"
>
>  The woman replies, " I am sorry to have disturbed you.
>
>  I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
>
>  The man, now feeling bad, says, "Oh, I'm sorry, what are you taking for
>  it?"
>
>  The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
>




>
> A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign
> in a window.
>  He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t
> the j-joooob-b."
>   "I don't know if this job would suit you because of
> your speaking  impediment," said the owner.
>    "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six
> k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really  neeeed thi-thi-this
> j-j-job!" said the man.
>    "O.K.  Here are three Bibles.  Go out and sell
> them." said the owner. So the man went out and came
> back an hour later.
>    "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man.  The
> owner was impressed,  so he gave the man a dozen more
> Bibles and sent him out.  The man came back  in two
> hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money."
>      The owner said, "This is fantastic.  You sold
> more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a
> week.  Tell me, what do you say to the people when
> they come to the door?"
>    "W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door
> bell, a-a-and  s-s-say  'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam,
> d-d-do you w-w- want t-t t-to buy  thi-thi-this
> B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo
> read it t-t-t-t-to you?"
>



A Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
"I'll have a gin.........................and tonic."

The Bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear answers, "I don't know. My father had them, too!"







> Sandals
>
>      A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan.
>      They were touring around the market place looking
> at the goods and such, when they passed this
>      small sandal shop.
>
>      From inside they heard a gentleman with a
> Pakistani accent say "You're foreigners! Come in!
>      Come into my humble shop." So the married couple
>      walked in.
>
> The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some
>    special sandals I think you would be interested
>      in. Dey make you wild at sex, like a great desert
>      camel."
>
>      Well, the wife was really interested in buying
>      the sandals after hearing what the man claimed, but
>      her husband felt he really didn't need them,
> being the sex god he was.
>
>      The husband asked the man, "How could sandals
>      make you into a sex freak?"
>
> The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on,
>      Sahib." With that, after much badgering from his
>      wife, he finally conceded to try them on.
>
>      As soon as he s! lipped them onto his feet, he
>      got this wild look in his eyes; something his
>      wife hadn't seen in many years.... raw sexual
>      power.
>
> In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the
>      Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table,
>      yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants,
>    and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani's
> thighs.
>
>      The Pakistani began screaming: "YOU HAVE DEM ON
>      THE WRONG FEET !! YOU HAVE DEM ON THE WRONG
> FEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!"





Nice cover

>This woman was having an affair with an inspector from an extermination
>company.
>Things were going along quite nicely until one day her husband comes home
>early.
>The woman freaks out and makes the man hide in the bedroom closet,
>completely naked.
>Her husband gets suspicious though and after a thorough search of the
>bedroom he finds
>the man hiding in the closet.
>"Who are you?" the husband demands.
>"I'm the inspector from Bugs B Gone" replys the man in the closet.
>"What are you doing here?"
>"I'm investigating a moth infestation in your home."
>"And where are your clothes??" asks the husband, barely keeping his temper.
>The man looks down at himself in shock and exclaims "Those little
>bastards!"
>




>
> A little medical humor
>  
> A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the
> coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a
> heart made up of flowers.  When the pastor finished
> with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said
> their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled
> inside and the heart closed.
>  
> Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
>  
> The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
>  
> "I was thinking about my own funeral" the man
>  replied.
>
> "What's so funny about that?"
>
> "I'm a gynecologist."
>


> Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and
> > decided that they would
> > make
> > this a real vacation by not wearing anything that
> > would identify them as
> > clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for
> > a store and bought
> > some
> > really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals,
> > sunglasses etc.
> >
> > The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in
> > their "tourist" garb
> > and
> > were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the
> > sunshine and the
> > scenery
> > when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini
> > came walking straight
> >
> > towards them. They couldn't help but stare. When she
> > passed them, she
> > smiled
> > and said, "Good morning Father, good morning
> > Father," nodding and
> > addressing
> > each of them individually, then passed on by.
> >
> > They were both stunned. How in the world did she
> > recognize them as
> > priests?
> > The next day they went back to the store, bought
> > even more outrageous
> > outfits.  These were so loud, you could hear them
> > before you even saw
> > them,
> > and again settled on the beach in their chairs to
> > enjoy the sunshine.
> >
> > After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a
> > string bikini this
> > time,
> > came walking toward them again. (They were glad they
> > had sunglasses,
> > because
> > their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.)
> > Again, she approached
> > them
> > and greeted them individually, "Good morning Father,
> > good morning
> > Father,"
> > and started to walk away. One of the priests
> > couldn't stand it and said,
> > "Just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and
> > proud of it, but I
> > have
> > to know, how in the world did you know we are
> > priests?"
> >
> > "Father, it's me, Sister Veronica!"






Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher
>was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised
>a discussion among them.
>
>First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years.
>Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the
>cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer
>is going to get HIS cows, but I aint' givin' him any of mine."
>
>Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too.
>I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed
>are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN'
>ALL MY COWS."
>
>Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have
>only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as
>you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep
>all MY cows."
>
>They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up
>in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT:
>the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700
>pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the
>breaking point.
>
>First Bull: "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I
>really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can
>spare a few for our new friend."
>
>Second Bull:  "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just
>stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly
>not looking for an argument."
>
>They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him
>pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.
>
>First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have
>some of your cows and live to tell about it."
>
>Third Bull: "Shi*, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he
>knows I'M a bull!"
>






Twelve Monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line
up nude in the garden while a naked woman danced before them. Each Monk had
a small bell attached to his penis, and they were told that anyone whose
bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of
spiritual purity.
The naked woman danced before the first Monk candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the
final Monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and
clattered to the ground.
Embarrassed, he stepped forward and bent down to pick up the bell, and
eleven other bells began to ring!








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