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Some



PRETTY WISE ... FOR AN IDIOT!

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the 
sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the 
teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually, I don’t," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing 
up there all by yourself." 




> > >Now that I'm older (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:
> > >
> > >ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
> > >
> > >TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
> > >
> > >THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
> > >
> > >FOUR- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
> > >
> > >FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
> > >
> > >SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?
> > >
> > >SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
> > >
> > >EIGHT- Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
> > >
> > >NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
> > >
> > >TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
> > >
> > >ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
> > >
> > >TWELVE- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
> > >
> > >THIRTEEN- Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're
> in
> the bathroom.
> > >
> > >FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on
> my
> knees.
> > >
> > >FIFTEEN- When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
> decide
> to play chess?
> > >
> > >SIXTEEN- It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
> > >
> > >SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
> > >
> > >EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
> hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here
> after.
> > >
> > >NINETEEN- Unable to remember if I have mailed this to you or not and
> doubt if you can either.
> > >
> > >TWENTY- Live each day as if it were your last!  One of these days you'll
> be right!!!!!





> > >> > > How many honest, intelligent,
> > >> > > caring men in the world does
> > >> > > it take to do the dishes?
> > >> > > Both of them.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Why did the man cross the road?
> > >> > > He heard the chicken was a slut.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Why don't women blink during foreplay?
> > >> > > They don't have time.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Why does it take 1 million sperm to
> > >> > > fertilize one egg?
> > >> > > They don't stop and ask for directions.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > How does a man show that he is
> > >> > > planning for the future?
> > >> > > He buys two cases of beer.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > What is the difference between men
> > >> > > and government bonds?
> > >> > > The bonds mature.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Why are blonde jokes so short?
> > >> > > So men can remember them.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > How many men does it take to change
> > >> > > a roll of toilet paper?
> > >> > > We don't know; it has never
> > >> > > happened.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Why is it difficult to find men who
> > >> > > are sensitive, caring and
> > >> > > good looking?
> > >> > > They all already have boyfriends.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > What do you call a woman who knows
> > >> > > where her husband is every
> > >> > > night?
> > >> > > A widow.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > When do you care for a man's
> > >> > > company?
> > >> > > When he owns it.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Why are married women heavier
> > >> > > than single women?
> > >> > > Single women come home, see
> > >> > > what's in the fridge and go to bed.
> > >> > > Married women come home, see
> > >> > > what's in bed and go to the fridge.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > How did Pinocchio find out he was
> > >> > > made of wood?
> > >> > > His hand caught fire.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > How do you get a man to do
> > >> > > sit-ups?
> > >> > > Put the remote control between
> > >> > > his toes.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > What is the one thing that all
> > >> > > men at singles bars have in
> > >> > > common?
> > >> > > They're married
> > >> > >
> > >> > > What did God say after creating
> > >> > > man?
> > >> > > must be able to do better than that.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > What did God say after creating
> > >> > > Eve?
> > >> > > Practice makes perfect.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Man says to God: "God, why did
> > >> > > you make woman so beautiful?"
> > >> > > God says: "So you would love her."
> > >> > > "But God," the man says, "why did
> > >> > > you make her so dumb?"
> > >> > > God says: "So she would love you."




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