The Year 2000 DARWIN AWARDS
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- Subject: The Year 2000 DARWIN AWARDS
- From: ShayDguy@aol.com
- Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 05:26:54 EDT
> Darwin Awards 2000
> It's that time of year again - the long awaited and ever popular!!!!!!
> One of the long awaited moments of each new year is the announcement of
> Annual Darwin Award... The prestigious recognition of those people who,
> their own incredible, conscious actions remove their apparently faulty
> DNA/chromosomes from the gene pool... making it a safer place for all of
> mankind to someday swim. This is a global phenomenon and the 2000
> nominations reflect the universal appeal and acclaim that this most
> prestigious award has grown to enjoy. So, without further ado, here are
> runners-up for this year's award.
> Seventh Runner Up, (15 July 1999, Alabama)
> A 25-year-old man died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall,
> precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was
> hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to
> momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried
> right over the railing, which he caught hold of for a few moments before
> grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below. The
> Military Specialist [NOTE: THAT MEANS HE WAS IN THE ARMY, NOT MARINE
> had a blood alcohol content of 0.14%, impairing his judgment and paving
> way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.
> Sixth Runner Up, (11 August 1999 Germany)
> A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse while driving near
> Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that the man
> was weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the partially occluded
> when he suddenly accelerated and hit the bridge pier. He had apparently
> donned his solar viewers, which are dark enough to totally obscure
> everything except the sun.
> Tie for Fifth Runner up Award goes to, (25 May 1999, Ukraine)
> A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while fishing in the River
> Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to the main power supply of
> his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock killed
> fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water. The man waded in to
> collect his catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically
> suffered the same fate as the fish. ...In an ironic twist, the man was
> fishing for a mourning meal to commemorate the first anniversary of his
> mother-in-law's death.
> Tie for Fifth Runner up Award goes to, (16 August 1999, Germany)
> A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his own dog on Monday. The
> 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his car in the Black Forest. A
> gun barrel was pointing out the window, and his bereaved dog was howling
> inside the car. The animal is presumed to have pressed the trigger with
> paw. Police have ruled out foul play.
> Fourth Runner up Award goes to, (1999, Nicosia, Cyprus)
> Under similar circumstances, an Iranian hunter was shot to death near
> by a snake that coiled around his shotgun as he pinned the reptile to the
> ground. Another hunter reported that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch
> the snake alive by pressing the butt of his shotgun behind its head. The
> snake coiled around the butt and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the
> Third Runner up Award goes to, (August 1999, Australia)
> Drinking oneself to death need not be a long lingering process. Allan, a
> 33-year-old computer technician, showed his competitive spirit by dying of
> competitive spirits. A Sydney, Australia hotel bar held a drinking
> competition, known as Feral Friday, with a 100-minute time limit and a
> sliding point scale ranging from 1 point for beer to 8 points for hard
> liquor. Allan stood and cheered his winning total of 236 (winners never
> quit!), which had also netted him the literally staggering blood alcohol
> level of 0.353, 7 times greater than Australia's legal driving limit of
> 0.05%. After several trips to the usual temple of overindulgence, the
> bathroom, Allan was helped back to his workplace to sleep it off, a
> condition that became permanent. A forensic hematologist estimated that
> after downing 34 beers, 4 bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila within 1 hour
> and 40 minutes, his blood alcohol level would have been 0.41 to 0.43, but
> Allan had vomited several times after the drinking stopped. The cost paid
> Allan was much higher than that of the hotel, which was fined the
> of $13,100 USD for not intervening. He didn't require any further
> Second Runner up Award goes to, (28 January 1999, London)
> A flock of sheep charged a well-meaning British farmer's wife and pushed
> over a cliff to her death. Betty Stobbs, 67, was charged by dozens of
> as she brought them a bale of hay on the back of a power bike. The sheep
> rushed forward and rammed the vehicle, knocking Betty and her bike over
> edge of a vacant 100' quarry near Durham, in northeastern England. "I saw
> the sheep surround the bike. The next thing she was tumbling down the
> incline," neighbor Alan Renfry told reporters.
> First Runner up Award goes to, (5 September 1999, Jerusalem)
> The switch away from daylight savings time caused consternation among
> terrorist groups this year. At precisely 5:30 Israel time on Sunday, two
> coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three
> who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the
> had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed
> the truth behind the untimely explosions. Three days before, Israel had
> a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time in order to
> accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians
> refused to "live on Zionist time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued.
> bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on
> Savings Time. The Confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time.
> a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated,
> delivering to the terrorists their well-deserved demise.
> And the 2000 Darwin Award winner is.....
> (22 March 1999, Phnom Penh)
> Decades of armed strife have littered Cambodia with unexploded munitions
> ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to tamper with the devices. Three
> recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local
> cafe in the southeastern province of Svay Rieng. Their companionable
> continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded
> anti-tank mine found in his backyard. He tossed it under the table, and
> three men began playing Russian Roulette, each tossing down a drink and
> stamping on the mine. The other villagers fled in terror. Minutes later,
> explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing the three men in the
> bar. "There were no remains" Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper reported.
> Honorable Mentions - "National" Idiots Category.
> Ann Arbor Idiot.
> The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
> King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
> clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
> without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
> weren't available for breakfast. The robber was so frustrated that he
> walked away."
> Seattle Idiot
> When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
> Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
> the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
> sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
> gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
> The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
> best laugh he'd ever had.
Eric Lap-Wai Lam
Marketing Ad Studio
GLOBE AND MAIL
444 Front Street West
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