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Re: OT: Humor


I like that. That was great humor from the funny man.

Jim Clark in Missouri Zone 5
-----Original Message-----
    From: Dave Silverberg <sil1812@molalla.net>
    To: iris-talk@egroups.com <iris-talk@egroups.com>
    Date: Tuesday, August 15, 2000 6:06 PM
    Subject: [iris-talk] OT: Humor
    Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had
    > with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:
    > GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and
    > nature. What in the world is going on down there?
    > What happened to the dandelions,
    > violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?
    > I had a perfect,no-maintenance garden plan.
    > Those plants grow in any type of soil,
    > withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
    > The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts
    > butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.
    > I expected to see a vast garden of colors by
    > now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
    > ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled
    > there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling
    > your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to
    > kill them and replace them with grass.
    > GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not
    > colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and
    > bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental
    > with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites
    > really want all that grass growing there?
    > ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to
    > great pains to grow it and keep it green.
    > They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and
    > poisoning any other plant that crops up in
    > the lawn.
    > God: The spring rains and warm weather probably
    > make grass grow really fast. That must make the
    > Suburbanites happy.
    > St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as
    > it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
    > God: They cut it? Do they then bail it like
    > hay?
    > St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them
    > rake it up and put it in bags.
    > God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do
    > they sell it?
    > St. Francis: No Sir. Just the opposite. They
    > pay to throw it away.
    > God: Now let me get this straight. They
    > fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does
    > grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
    > St. Francis: Yes, Sir.
    > God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the
    > summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up
    > the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
    > them a lot of work.
    > St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this
    > Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast,
    > they drag out hoses and pay more money to
    > water it so they can continue to mow it and pay
    > to get rid of it.
    > God: What nonsense. At least they kept some of
    > the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius,
    > if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in
    > the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
    > summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
    > and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in
    > the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as
    > they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil.
    > It's a natural circle of life.
    > St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The
    > Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as
    > the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and
    > pay to have them hauled away.
    > God: No. What do they do to protect the shrub
    > and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil
    > moist and loose?
    > St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves,
    > they go out and buy something which they call mulch.
    > The haul it home and spread it around in place of
    > the leaves.
    > God: And where do they get this mulch?
    > St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them
    > up to make the mulch.
    > God: Enough. I don't want to think about this
    > anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.
    > What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?
    > St. Catherine: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a
    > real stupid movie about.....
    > God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole
    > story from St. Francis.l

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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