An X-Files Christmas Fable
- To: Multiple recipients of list <firstname.lastname@example.org>
- Subject: An X-Files Christmas Fable
- From: Kathy Haggstrom <email@example.com>
- Date: Tue, 16 Dec 1997 11:16:44 -0700 (MST)
> * THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE... HO HO HO! *
> An X-Files Holiday Sighting, author unknown :(
> Mulder: We're too late. It's already been here.
> Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
> Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir,
> truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of
> shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings
> hung by the chimney, with care.
> Scully: You really think someone's been here?
> Mulder: Someone or some THING.
> Scully: Mulder, over here -- it's fruitcake.
> Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
> Scully: It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out
> who's naughty and nice."
> Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
> Scully: Who? What are you talking about?
> Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity
> who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by
> antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter
> solstice, this creature is said to descend from the
> heavens to reward its followers and punish its
> disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.
> Scully: But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents
> to frighten children. Surely, you don't believe it?
> Mulder: Something was here tonite, Scully. Check out the bite
> marks on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through
> this plate of cookies was massive -- and in a hurry.
> Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk
> glass has been completely drained.
> Mulder: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
> Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
> Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop
> its wilding.
> Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The
> doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of
> forced entry.
> Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
> Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge
> creature landed on the roof and came down the chimney,
> you're crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide.
> Nothing could get through there.
> Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all
> Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
> Mulder: Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when
> I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature.
> It had long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy,
> misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white.
> I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I
> looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features
> of my father.
> Scully: Impossible.
> Mulder: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It
> brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW I WANTED
> A MR. POTATO HEAD.
> Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard
> the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some
> supernatural being who soars across the skies and
> brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen to
> what you are saying. Do you understand the
> repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the
> Mulder: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping.
> It knows when you're awake.
> Scully: But we have no proof.
> Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio
> telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over
> twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a
> Condition Red.
> Scully: But that was a meteor shower.
> Mulder: Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian
> reindeer vanished from the National Zoo in Washington,
> D.C. Nobody - not even the zookeeper - was told about
> it. The government doesn't want people to know about
> Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved
> to exist, then the public would stop spending half its
> annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail
> markets will collapse. Scully,they cannot let the
> world believe this creature lives. There's too much at
> stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another
> silent night.
> Scully: Mulder, I --
> Mulder: Sh-h-h! Do you hear what I hear?
> Scully: On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter.
> Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.