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An X-Files Holiday Fable

  • To: Multiple recipients of list <iris-l@rt66.com>
  • Subject: An X-Files Holiday Fable
  • From: Kathy Haggstrom <hagg@alaska.net>
  • Date: Tue, 16 Dec 1997 11:17:25 -0700 (MST)

> An X-Files Holiday Sighting, author unknown :(
> Mulder:  We're too late. It's already been here.
> Scully:  Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
> Mulder:  Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir,
>          truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of
>          shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings
>          hung by the chimney, with care.
> Scully:  You really think someone's been here?
> Mulder:  Someone or some THING.
> Scully:  Mulder, over here -- it's fruitcake.
> Mulder:  Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
> Scully:  It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out
>          who's naughty and nice."
> Mulder:  It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
> Scully:  Who? What are you talking about?
> Mulder:  Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity
>          who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by
>          antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter
>          solstice, this creature is said to descend from the
>          heavens to reward its followers and punish its
>          disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.
> Scully:  But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents
>          to frighten children.    Surely, you don't believe it?
> Mulder:  Something was here tonite, Scully. Check out the bite
>          marks on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through
>          this plate of cookies was massive -- and in a hurry.
> Scully:  It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk
>          glass has been completely drained.
> Mulder:  It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
> Scully:  But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
> Mulder:  Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop
>          its wilding.
> Scully:  But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The
>          doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of
>          forced entry.
> Mulder:  Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
> Scully:  Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge
>          creature landed on the roof and came down the chimney,
>          you're crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide.
>          Nothing could get through there.
> Mulder:  But what if it could alter its shape, move in all
>          directions.
> Scully:  You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
> Mulder:  Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when
>          I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature.
>          It had long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy,
>          misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white.
>          I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I
>          looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features
>          of my father.
> Scully:  Impossible.
> Mulder:  I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It
>          brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW I WANTED
>          A MR. POTATO HEAD.
> Scully:  I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard
>          the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some
>          supernatural being who soars across the skies and
>          brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen to
>          what you are saying. Do you understand the
>          repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the
>          X-files.
> Mulder:  Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping.
>          It knows when you're awake.
> Scully:  But we have no proof.
> Mulder:  Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio
>          telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over
>          twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a
>          Condition Red.
> Scully:  But that was a meteor shower.
> Mulder:  Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian
>          reindeer vanished from the National Zoo in Washington,
>          D.C.  Nobody - not even the zookeeper - was told about
>          it. The government doesn't want people to know about
>          Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved
>          to exist, then the public would stop spending half its
>          annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail
>          markets will collapse.  Scully,they cannot let the
>          world believe this creature lives. There's too much at
>          stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another
>          silent night.
> Scully:  Mulder, I --
> Mulder:  Sh-h-h! Do you hear what I hear?
> Scully:  On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter.
> Mulder:  The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.

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