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OT-HUMOR: TEXAS grasshoppers

  • To: Multiple recipients of list <iris-l@rt66.com>
  • Subject: OT-HUMOR: TEXAS grasshoppers
  • From: storey@aristotle.net (J. Michael, Celia or Ben Storey)
  • Date: Tue, 9 Sep 1997 14:30:36 -0600 (MDT)

Walter passes along this nightmare from Mississippi:
>        Gigantic Texas grasshoppers have been running uncorraled in this
>area all summer, grazing on everything in sight.  They are even in the LA
>bog and are chewing on those rhizomes too, especially nasty when they
>leave their 'tobacco spit' on a rhizome I am digging.  In a nearby garden
>these grasshoppers have invaded hosta beds and devoured them.
Walter, your hour has come.
=46or too long have members of our mighty list debated the relative hazards
of toxic pest control methods only to be pulled up short by the facile
quip: "Why not eat them?" Absent any verifiable data on the efficacy of so
primitive an approach, we chuckle and back away, only to be drawn once more
into the fray when some incautious person blurts his affection for Diazinon
or Malathion. Then we draw swords and flail away at one another until again
the wiseacre pipes up: "Why not eat them?"
Until now there has been no firm data from our experts on the benefits,
hazards, techniques or efficiency of eating troublesome insects. But now,
with your garden invaded by enormous grasshoppers, here is a genuine
opportunity for serious gastro-scientific research. Not only has the golden
opportunity arisen, but in the back yard of the right man. Who else among
us is better suited to take on this noble inquiry? By your own modest
account, you have watched them long and hard. You know where they live. You
recognize their droppings.

Best of all, we can count upon you to track them even into the murky bog,
because among the hundreds of iris lovers in this bubbling electronic
community, Walter Moores is the intellectual and moral epitome. We look up
to you. We listen to you. We trust you.

I hereby nominate you, Walter Moores, to taste-test these big grasshoppers
on behalf of the entire Iris List. You benefit from abundant supply; you
will be able to pick and choose the likeliest specimens, selecting both the
largest and the small, tender individuals for comparative preparation.
Given the length of time these pests linger in the late summer, you should
be able to experiment with cooking methods (deep-fat fried, pan saut=E9,
oven-baked, chicken fried, stewed, sugared, "tartar") and report back to us
with sample recipes and recommendations.
Now is the time, Walter Moores. You are the man.

Do I hear a second?

Little Rock, AR

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