Re: RE: pleases and thank you's

**a*@aol.com**

Friends,

That message hit me when I was pissed off and grouchy.  And I'm not in a better mood now. But I certainly will try to be civil. And to put my response in language, to quote T.S. Elliot, "That Cats and Dogs Can Understand." 

As a long time working class American, volunteer and do-gooder... as someone who shows up to actually get his hands dirty and do something at the drop of a hat, I tend to get ticked at breathless folks, at the end of their academic tether, as due dates become closer, who make informational requests for lots of quotable/footnotable material, without saying, "please." 

We say "please," in our community garden, because it shows mutual respect - we KNOW the person doesn't have to do ANYTHING, but we request it as a favor from them, as someone who surely doesn't have to get off their rear end to do anything. 

We say "please," in our soup kitchens, both to the folks who do the cooking, as well as those we feed, because it re-inforces our common humanity. 

We certainly said, "please," at Ground Zero or Fresh Kills Dump after 9/11, when we were asking someone to hold open a specimen bag, or pass a tool to extricate a  body part, or lift a girder off of a blackened torso. 

It always seems to be twenty-somethings - maybe they didn't do a segment on it during "Sesame Street," when they were coming up, or junior members or interns at professional do-gooder organizations. 

Damned if I can figure it out. Maybe they  didn't include it in the "ways to show basic common decency, civility and respect people who do stuff for free, without which our not-for-profit agency would founder," course at a "not-for-profit.org."

As someone who worked restaurants for years, you'd get a long order from someone who didn't look at you, and they never said please.  But you can be damned sure that in the kitchen, or at the bar the "pleases" and "por favors" were de rigeur. 

The idea is when you ask a free person to do something  you respect their freedom by saying, :if you please, if you would, please." And community gardeners say the words please and thank you an awful lot - it's essential to our culture - or at least the NYC community garden culture I've been part of for over 30 years.  

My final words on this: When I did an oral history project with my one surviving Nazi Death Camp parent and  other tattooed armed friends, I asked,"How did you know, when your were in a Displaced Person camp after the war, with guards, barbed wire, the works, that you were safe, and there was hope?"

The answer was, "I cried when the soldiers asked us to PLEASE feel free to go by the mess tent for breakfast - the word in German was "bitte," one that we had not heard for over four years. We were acknowledged to be human beings by the simple use of that word - PLEASE"

Best wishes, 
Adam Honigman 

-----Original Message-----
From: Tom Dietrich <tdietrich@metroparks.org>
To: community_garden@mallorn.com
Sent: Mon, 21 Mar 2005 13:07:41 -0500
Subject: [cg] RE: pleases and thank you's

Adam:

My brow furrowed a little as I read how strongly you've reacted to Ms.
Shefali's posting.  I agree a "please" would be nice, advisable even,
but the overall tone of the message wasn't as "entitled" or
disrespectful as your reaction seems to portray. She did use the phrases
"would appreciate your input" and "would like to seek your suggestions."
I am not involved with post-graduate work, so maybe I am off-base here.

Other reactions, please?

Thank you.

Tom

Tom Dietrich
Grow With Your Neighbors
Dayton, OH  

Message: 3
Date: Fri, 18 Mar 2005 21:29:27 -0500
From: adam36055@aol.com
Subject: Re: [cg] Re: community_garden digest, Vol 1 #2079 - 1 msg
To: shefali@ufl.edu, community_garden@mallorn.com

This has to be cultural - or generational, or whatever. Maybe I didn't
get the memo that excluded the word, "please," from requests or queries,
but I can't be alone in disbelief that a Doctoral candidate for a
reputable university can write a query, for other people to give her
input, and footnotes for her dissertation WITHOUT USING THE WORD
"PLEASE."

Has a memo gone out that has removed this word from our language? I know
that I hear it an awful lot often than the work F#@K therse days. 

 Please advise - I believe that I may have missed this change cultural
phenomena, interaction along the Internet, and mass media. along with
"American idol.

Puzzled,
Adam Honigman

-----Original Message-----
From: BHATTARYA,SHEFALI <shefali@ufl.edu>
To: community_garden@mallorn.com
Sent: Wed, 16 Mar 2005 13:00:07 -0500 (EST)
Subject: [cg] Re: community_garden digest, Vol 1 #2079 - 1 msg

Hello Everyone, 

I am Shefali Bhattarya, a doctoral student at University of Florida. I
had introduced myself to listserver once earlier sometime back.
Currently I am working on my dissertation which focuses on developing a
strategy for integrating Urban Agriculture (community gardens) in the
city masterplan. I am right now interviewing the local gardeners to find
out the benefits of gardening to them. From speaking to many gardeners
now, I have come to know that they all feel that benefits from community
gardening are vast and diverse. 

Another component of my research deals with proposing some more (new)
suitable sites in Gainesville for community gardens. But before this I
have to identify some preconditions to community gardening for the City
of Gainesville and therefore have to define a criteria for proposing new
garden sites. I am using GIS for this. I would like to seek your
suggestions for this component of my research. 

I am looking for various criteria (both formal research based and non
research based are OK with me) for proposing new garden sites in a city
(e.g. nearness to a neighborhood or nearness to bus route etc). I would
appreciate if you all can provide some input in this. I am eager to see
what the criteria are and if they differ from city to city depending
upon city characteristics e.g. city size etc. or they are more or less
the same. 

Hope to hear from you. 

Thanks much. 

Shefali 

On Tue Mar 15 13:00:16 EST 2005, community_garden-admin@mallorn.com
wrote: 

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-- 

BHATTARYA,SHEFALI 

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______________________________________________________
The American Community Gardening Association listserve is only one of
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To post an e-mail to the list:  community_garden@mallorn.com

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End of community_garden Digest

______________________________________________________
The American Community Gardening Association listserve is only one of ACGA's 
services to community gardeners. To learn more about the ACGA and to find out 
how to join, please go to http://www.communitygarden.org

To post an e-mail to the list:  community_garden@mallorn.com

To subscribe, unsubscribe or change your subscription:  https://secure.mallorn.com/mailman/listinfo/community_garden

______________________________________________________
The American Community Gardening Association listserve is only one of ACGA's services to community gardeners. To learn more about the ACGA and to find out how to join, please go to http://www.communitygarden.org

To post an e-mail to the list:  community_garden@mallorn.com

To subscribe, unsubscribe or change your subscription:  https://secure.mallorn.com/mailman/listinfo/community_garden