Re: life IS good

Personally, I prefer the term eccentric - ha!

---------- Original Message ----------------------------------
From: jim singer <jsinger@igc.org>
Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
Date:  Fri, 20 Dec 2002 18:04:32 -0500

>speak for yourself, pam. i'm still odd and/or defective. it's my right. damnit.
>
>At 04:26 PM 12/20/02 -0600, you wrote:
>>I agree - thanks Auralie!!
>>One tires of being made out as odd or defective by society, when we're not!!
>>
>>Pam
>>
>>---------- Original Message ----------------------------------
>>From: Aplfgcnys@aol.com
>>Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
>>Date:  Fri, 20 Dec 2002 14:23:57 EST
>>
>> >>From the prospective of old age, may I add a bit to this chat.  Neither of
>> >our families were abusive in the same ways you recount, but both were
>> >emotionally abusive and controlling in many ways.  I left home emotionally
>> >when I went to college, but the physical break was a bt harder, and the
>> >family never forgave me for marrying and leaving - I was the homely orphan
>> >child who was intended to take care of all the old people.
>> >  As I look around at my elderly friends, the ones who do not have close
>> >family connections are the ones who are living interesting lives.  The ones
>> >in close-knit families have no time for anything or anyone else.  Of 
>> course,
>> >that seems to make some of them happy, but I know several women who are
>> >unable to participate in activities they would enjoy because of 
>> baby-sitting
>> >or other family responsibilities. Often these are the same ones who took 
>> care
>> >of their elderly parents when they were younger - sometimes call themselves
>> >the "sandwich" generation.  I love my sons dearly but I am quite happy for
>> >them to live in faraway places and solve their own day-to-day problems
>> >without my help.  I have tried to give them a background of faith and
>> >education to cope with those problems.  There are days when I think it 
>> might
>> >be nice if one of them were around to help with some chore we find hard to
>> >handle - like moving big plants indoors in the fall - but then I tell 
>> myself
>> >I'd rather pay a handyman than have the family underfoot all the 
>> time.  This
>> >may sound selfish and hard-hearted to some of you, but I want the 
>> indepedent
>> >ones to know that families just as often cause grief as happiness, and 
>> being
>> >old doesn't make one need that kind of grief.  Auralie
>> >
>> >In a message dated 12/20/2002 10:03:19 AM Eastern Standard Time,
>> >mhobertm@excite.com writes:
>> >
>> >> JR:  I think we must have been living the same lives in parallel 
>> universes
>> >> or something...I have 5 brothers (1 dead) and 1 sister and none of 
>> them are
>> >> people I freely choose to associate with...My father was a violently
>> >> abusive alcoholic and all 6 of my siblings chose to follow him down the
>> >> road of alcoholism and drug addiction and all the consequent negative
>> >> energy that brought into their lives.  I see my family for one reason 
>> only:
>> >>  out of love and respect for my mother and only for as long as I can 
>> sanely
>> >> tolerate it...the choices they have all made for their lives are not
>> >> choices I could live with and be spiritually and emotionally 
>> healthy...Even
>> >> with my mother, I must choose to remember always that she makes choices
>> >> that serve her needs and though they are really bad choices many times,
>> >> they are hers to make.  I left home forever the day after I graduated 
>> high
>> >> school and never went back except when it was unavoidable...even then,
>> >> there came a point where I eventually t!
>> >> old my family of origin that their problems were theirs and I didn't want
>> >> to get involved.  To people whose lives have been blessed to never have
>> >> known these kinds of maladaptive, abusive family relationships, this 
>> might
>> >> seem cold and extremely harsh.  For me, it was the ONLY thing that 
>> saved me
>> >> from a life of misery like the kind I grew up in.  I went to college on
>> >> full tuition scholarships, worked 3-4 part time jobs every semester to 
>> pay
>> >> the rent and so I could eat and I have crafted for myself the life I 
>> always
>> >> dreamed of having.  It is not a perfect life, but it is a completely sane
>> >> and safe one.  Of this one thing I will always be most proud...for my
>> >> children, the cycle of abuse that transmits itself intergenerationally 
>> has
>> >> been stopped...and I can leave this world someday being joyful in that 
>> one
>> >> thing alone...
>> >>
>> >> Ceres wrote:>>   I> >>believe as you age you may miss not having a 
>> family.>>
>> >> Families come in all shapes and sizes.  Some are warm and supportive, 
>> some>
>> >> are mildly abusive, some are cruel and destructive, some are just not >
>> >> close,>and some people simply do not have living relatives.  Not sure I
>> >> understand>why someone should miss family in the less pleasant 
>> categories,
>> >> or why the>aging process should be made to appear more scary to 
>> someone who
>> >> has no>family.>>Linda in
>> >
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>> >
>>
>>--
>>Pam Evans
>>Kemp TX/zone 8A
>>--
>>
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>
>jsinger@igc.org
>
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--
Pam Evans
Kemp TX/zone 8A
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