Re: Midwesterners....

That probably sums it up! I love it!

Cathy, west central IL, z5b

On Feb 20, 2008, at 9:24 AM, Jesse Bell wrote:

> Well...since nobody is talking much about gardening right now...and we
> have a snow/ice winter storm warning coming in (gross)...I thought I'd
> pass this one on. The heartland....bloom where you are planted?
>
>
>  _++_+_+_+++_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_++_+_+_++_+_+_+_++_+
>
>  Rules of the Midwest are as follows:
>
> 1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
>
> 3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
> pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
> gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
>
>
> 4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like  
> money
> to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west, I-25 goes
> north and south. Pick one.
>
>
> 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000  
> combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
>
> 6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly.  
> Try to understand the concept.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/ 
> doves
> are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You
> better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
>
>
> 8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi  
> and caviar you can get them at the bait store on the corner.
>
> 9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a  
> religious
> holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
>
>
> 10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless  
> of age.
>
> 11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or  
> you
> can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
>
>
> 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
> vegetables, and breads We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
> Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that  
> stuff
> you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
>
>
> 13. You bring "Coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
> over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute,  
> know
> how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
>
>
> 14. College and High School Football is as important here as the  
> Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
>
> 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --  
> it spooks the fish.
>
> 16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities ,
> Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education  
> plus
> a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they
> come home for the holidays.
>
>
> 17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than
> all of you put together, so don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get
> whipped by the best.
>
>
> 18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
> music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see  
> your
> boxers! Refer back to #1!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Jesse R. Bell
>
> I GoodSearch for Heifer International.
>
> Raise money for your favorite charity or school just by searching the
> Internet or shopping online with GoodSearch - www.goodsearch.com -
> powered by Yahoo!
>
>
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