Fwd: To all my animal lover friends - and those who aren't!

This has probably been around in various iterations for a while, but  
its cute.

Begin forwarded message:

>
> To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
>
> Dear Dogs and Cats,
>
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The  
> other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a  
> paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim  
> for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically  
> pleasing in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack  
> Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help  
> because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry  
> about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to  
> ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball  
> when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each  
> other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that  
> sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other  
> end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If  
> by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it  
> is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get  
> your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit  
> through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the  
> bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's  
> butt. I cannot stress this enough!
>
> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on  
> our front door:
>
> To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>
> 1. They live here. You don't.
> 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the  
> furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
> 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter  
> who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
>
> Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because  
> they:
>
> 1. Eat less
> 2. Don't ask for money all the time
> 3 Are easier to train
> 4. Normally come when called
> 5. Never ask to drive the car
> 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
> 7. Don't smoke or drink
> 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
> 9. Don't want to wear your clothes
> 10 Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.
>
>
> And finally,
> 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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