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Re: how to pill a cat was how to bathe a cat was: cat collars was now cat door

  • To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
  • Subject: Re: [CHAT]how to pill a cat was how to bathe a cat was: cat collars was now cat door
  • From: "Marge Talt" <mtalt@hort.net>
  • Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2004 04:05:22 -0500

> From: Melody <mhobertm@excite.com>
> Marge: Ugh! If there is one thing I really hate doing with my cats,
> trying to get meds. into them...send away, dear! Might give me
> to laugh about next time I have to do this!

OoooKay, Melody....here it is:

by Peggy Althoff

1.      Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow,
just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a
nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.
2.      Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
3.     Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down
with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill
into its mouth with right forefinger.
4.      Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle.
(Resist impulse to get new cat.)
5.      Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly
cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold
your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open
cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly.
Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what
you're doing. That's just as well.
6.      Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
7.      If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a
good cry.
8.      Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway?
Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the
boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!
9.      This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those
flashing claws are causing the chaos.
10.     Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread
towel on floor.
11.     Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
12.     Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long
13.     Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach.  (Resist
impulse to flatten cat.)
14.     Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no
man-or woman.
15.     Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press
its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
16.     Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.
17.     Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds
18.     Take two aspirins and lie down.
19.     Forget aspirin, drink glass of wine and lie down.

Marge Talt, zone 7 Maryland
Editor:  Gardening in Shade
Current Article: Spring Peepers
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