The Owl & the Barber Shop

Anyone remember James T. Fields's "The Owl Critic"?

Saturday, I went to the barbershop of my choice [svelte but tatooed blond chick] and arrived in time to be the first customer of her fat-chick employee second-chair barber. As I sat in the second chair, removed my chapeau, and said "take it all off," she said, "You won't believe what happened to me last night, honey!"

Right. I'm a 70-something geezer and she's a 30-something hefty babe. I can't imagine what has happened to her ever, let alone the night before... and certainly not on the spur of the moment. Then she says, not just to me but to the assembled patrons and employees, "I was on my way to Melody's house, because she was in bad shape on account of Carl being in jail, and I was driving real slow--Melody lives in my neighborhood, and we drive real slow in that neighborhod--and I had the driver's window down. Suddenly, something hit me in the side of the head, whap!, and skimmed past me, and landed in the rider's seat.

"So I fumbled around and found the my pickup's cab light and turned in on. It was an owl! A goddam owl had flown in the window, hit me in the head, and was now twitching and flopping on the seat next to me. Shit, I didn't know if it was rabid or not, so I jumped out of the truck. Then I realized the truck was still going so I chased it down the road a ways and jumped back in.

"I finally got to Melody's house and pulled in the drive, slammed on the emergency brake, and ran inside. Melody was sitting on the couch and crying and I yelled, "Babe, be with me for a minute, will ya! I got a terrible headache and a dying owl on the front seat of my truck. You got a shovel or something so I can get it out?

Melody quit crying long enough to say Carl probably had a shovel, but he was in jail and she didn't know where it might be.

It took almost as long to get my hair cut as it took to get the dead owl out of the truck.

Island Jim
Southwest Florida
27.0 N, 82.4 W
Zone 10a
Minimum 30 F [-1 C]
Maximum 100 F [38 C]

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