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OMG!!!!!!!!!!!  That is so funny!   I am laughing so hard I  cant believe 
this!!   ROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for sharing this!
In a message dated 7/12/2005 1:49:01 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,  
4042N15@nationalhearing.com writes:

You may  have seen this already - I think I did a long while back - but it's  
darned funny, it is worth rereading:

Read the whole thing! This  is supposedly an actual
letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the  Michigan Department of
Environmental Quality, State of    Michigan. This guy's response is
hilarious, but read the State's letter  before you get to the response letter


SUBJECT: DEQ File   No. 97-59-0023; T11N;  R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the  attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been  recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property.  You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did  the following unauthorized activity: Construction and
maintenance of two  wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring

A permit  must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A
review of the  Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.
Therefore, the  Department has determined that this activity is in
violation Part 301,  Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental  Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
sections  324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The  Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed  during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream  locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
hazardous and  cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to
cease and  desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
stream to a  free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming
the dams from  the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed
no later than  January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has  been completed, so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our  staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further  unauthorized
activity on the site may result in this case being referred  for elevated
enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your  full
cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this  office
if you have any questions.
David L.  Price
District Representative
Land and Water   Management  Division

** This is the actual response sent back:  **

Re: DEQ File No.   97-59-0023; T11N ; R10W, Sec. 20;  Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price:
Your certified letter dated  12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
to. I am the legal landowner but  not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers  are in the (State unauthorized)
process of constructing and maintaining two  wood "debris" dams across the
outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While  I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
think they  would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
natures  building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
department to  attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose.  I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
ever match their dam  skills, their dam  resourcefulness, their dam
ingenuity, their dam  persistence, their dam determination and/or their
dam work ethic.

As  to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
first  fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of  dam

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to  discriminate
against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all  beavers
throughout this State to conform to said dam request?? If you are  not
discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom  of
Information Act, I request completed copies of  all those other  applicable
beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if  there
really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of  the
Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the  Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324 .30101 to 324.30113 of the  Michigan
Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first  concern is .. aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The  Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay for  said representation, so the State
will have to provide them with a dam  lawyer. The Department's dam concern
that either one or both of the dams  failed during a recent rain event
causing flooding is proof that this is a  natural occurrence, which the
Department is required to protect. In other  words, we should leave the
Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than  harassing  them and calling their
dam names.

If you want  the   stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition  please
contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they  obviously
did not pay any attention to your dam letter...they being unable  to read

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have  a right to build
their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the  grass is green
and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I  do to live
and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources  and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect  the
natural resources (Beavers) and the environment   (Beavers'  Dams).

So, as far as the   beavers and I are concerned, this  dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now.  Why wait until
12/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice  then and
there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass  them

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to  a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the  bears!
Bears are actually defecating in our woods.? I definitely believe  you
should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers  alone.
If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!  (The
bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being  unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on  your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to
your dam  office.

Thank You,
Ryan DeVries & The Dam  Beavers

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