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That is priceless!

Andrea H
Beaufort, SC 

> [Original Message]
> From: Chapel Ridge Wal Mart National Hearing Center
> To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
> Date: 7/12/2005 1:48:35 PM
> You may have seen this already - I think I did a long while back - but
it's so
> darned funny, it is worth rereading:
> Read the whole thing! This is supposedly an actual
> letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of
> Environmental Quality, State of   Michigan. This guy's response is
> hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response
> SUBJECT: DEQ File   No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>  Dear Mr. DeVries:
>  It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
> that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
> parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
> contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and
> maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring
> Pond.
> A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A
> review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.
> Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
> violation Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
> Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>  The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
> failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
> downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
> hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to
> cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
> stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming
> the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed
> no later than January 31, 2003.
>  Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed, so
> that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
>  Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
> activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated
> enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full
> cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office
> if you have any questions.
>  Sincerely,
>  David L. Price
>  District Representative
>  Land and Water   Management Division
>  ** This is the actual response sent back: **
>  Re: DEQ File No.   97-59-0023; T11N ; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>  Dear Mr. Price:
>  Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
> to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
> Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
> process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the
> outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
>  While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
> think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
> natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
> department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
> place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
> ever match their dam skills, their dam  resourcefulness, their dam
> ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
> dam work ethic.
>  As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
> first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity.
>  My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
> against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers
> throughout this State to conform to said dam request?? If you are not
> discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
> Information Act, I request completed copies of  all those other applicable
> beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
> really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
> Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
> Acts of 1994, being sections 324 .30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
> Compiled Laws, annotated.
>  I have several concerns. My first concern is .. aren't the beavers
> entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
> destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State
> will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
> that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event
> causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
> Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the
> Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing  them and calling their
> dam names.
>  If you want the   stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
> contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously
> did not pay any attention to your dam letter...they being unable to read
> English.
>  In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
> their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
> and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
> and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
> Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the
> natural resources (Beavers) and the environment   (Beavers' Dams).
>  So, as far as the   beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
> referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
> 12/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
> there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them
> then.
>  In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
> Bears are actually defecating in our woods.? I definitely believe you
> should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
> If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The
> bears are not careful where they dump!)
>     Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
> contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to
> your dam office.
>  Thank You,
>  Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
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