To
winterize or not to winterize lawn
"Winterize your lawn", the big sign
outside the garden store commanded. I've
fed it, watered it, mowed it,
raked it and watched a lot of it die away. Now
I'm supposed to winterize
it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be
the stupidest
thing we've come up with outside of a thong swimsuits! We
constantly battle dandelions,
Queen's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and
clover that thrive naturally,
so we can grow grass that must be nursed
through an annual four-step
chemical dependency.
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have
with St. Francis about this:
"Frank you know all about gardens and
nature. What in the world is going on
down there in the
Midwest? What happened to the dandelions,
violets, thistle
and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden
plan.
Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply
with
abandon. The nectar from
the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies,
honeybees and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a
vast garden of colors
by now. But all I see are these green
rectangles."
" It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.
They started
calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great extent to kill
them and
replace them with grass".
" Grass? But its so boring. Its not colorful.
It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms.
Its' temperamental
with
temperatures. Do these
Suburbanites really want all that green grass
growing
there?
"Apparently so, Lord, They go to great pains to grow it and keep
it green.
They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poising any other
plant that
crops up in the lawn".
"The spring rains and cool weather
probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites
happy".
"Not exactly, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it-sometimes
twice a week".
"They cut it? Do they then bale it like
hay?"
" Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
bags."
" They bag it? Why?
Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away".
"Now
let me get this straight. They
fertilize grass so it will grow. And
when it does grow, they cut it off and
pay to throw it away?"
"Yes, sir."
"These Suburbanites must be
relieved in the summer when we cut back on the
rain and turn up the heat.
That surely slows the growth and
saves them a lot
of work."
"You aren't going to believe this Lord.
When the grass stops growing
so
fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they
can
continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."
"What nonsense!
At least they kept some of the
trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to
provide beauty and shade in the summer . In the autumn they fall to the ground
and form a
natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. Plus, as
they
rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle
of
life."
"You better sit down, Lord. The suburbanites have drawn a new
circle. As
soon as the leaves
fall, they rake them into great piles and have them
hauled
away."
"No! What do they
do to protect the shrub and the tree roots in the winter
and keep the soil
moist and loose?"
"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy
something they call
mulch. They haul it home and spread it around
in the place of leaves."
"and where do they get this mulch?"
"
They cut down trees and grind them up."
"Enough! I don't want to think
about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?"
"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie
about.
"Never mind I think I just heard the whole
story."
