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[GWL]: Query Openings


Nan Sterman wrote:

> I am always torn between a) opening a query with the normal 
> pleasantries and saying "I have a story in mind that I would like you 
> to consider" (or something like that) before launching in to the 
> opening paragraph, and b) skipping the pleasantries and launching 
> right into the opening paragraph.  It strikes me as odd to leave out 
> the pleasaantries and lauch direcltly into the article, 

Nan -- A good bit of this is just a matter of personal preferences, and 
there are lots of ways that work.  Here are a few thoughts about it.  

I wouldn't start with "I have a story in mind that I would like you to 
consider," because that is obvious.  Also, "that I would like you to 
consider" seems a bit weak to me.  I usually end a query with a one-line 
paragraph such as "What do you think?"  This ending achieves the same 
thing as the "story that I would like you to consider" at the beginning, 
but is stronger.  It asks not just for consideration, but response.  I 
don't usually waste time on pleasantries at the beginning beyond "Dear 
xxx," unless I know the editor personally.  (And when I know the editor 
personally or have already written for him, I don't normally write 
queries; I pitch the letter over the phone.) 

I view a query as a business communication.  It's fine if it starts 
right in on the subject of interest.  I think that getting right to the 
point and including exactly what is relevant is one way I can 
demonstrate writing ability and professionalism.  I also figure that the 
shorter a query is, the more likely the editor reads the whole thing in 
one gulp, instead of reading it line by line, looking for a place to 
quit the whole way.  When possible, I like my queries to be a single 
page or less.

There isn't one best way to start all queries.  There are better and 
worse ways to start specific queries.  

I think we usually will want to start with a paragraph that is as strong 
as possible.  Every editor is ready to quit reading after every 
sentence.  "You don't have to eat all of a rotten apple in order to know 
it's rotten," say most editors, and they mean it.  It is their job to 
get rid of the "nonwinners" as efficiently as possible so as to focus on 
the "winners."  This means reading as little as possible of most queries 
before rejecting. So I want a query to start with the strengths and 
finish with (and deemphasize) weaknesses.  

When you're starting out, you usually have no credits that are going to 
impress an editor very much; so the bio/writerly-credit info will be a 
short paragraph near the end of the query, very carefully deemphasized.  
On the other hand, if you have major credits, you might start a query 
with a few lines of bio.  When who you are is enough to guarantee your 
query will be read, starting with who you are makes sense.  If you are a 
superfamous person, the same applies.  

When you have unique material or new facts, or the proposed story is 
based upon your own original field or plant research, that might make 
the strongest opening paragraph.  "For the last 50 years I have been 
studying beetles in gardens."

Starting a query with the lead for the proposed story can be very 
powerful if you can think of a good lead without writing the whole story 
first.  (I usually can't.  The lead is usually the last part of the 
story I write, not the first.)    

Starting with the story idea can work well, especially if it is really 
new.  Also, if you can think of a great title, you can take advantage of 
it by starting your query with the idea/title.  This works for me, since 
I often think of a good title early in thinking about a piece.  

Finally, if it is not obvious why this story is relevant to this 
particular market, consider starting with a paragraph that shows the 
relevance.  Two or three facts, then a sentence or three that shows why 
this publications's audience is going to care.  In fact, you may HAVE to 
start such a query with a paragraph about relevance in order to get the 
editor to read beyond the first sentence.  Especially if the editor has 
just skimmed through and discarded three hundred queries, most by people 
who have obviously NEVER read his magazine, half of which are for 
fiction or poetry, which he doesn't published. 

Hope this helps.

Carol Deppe
Author of BREED YOUR OWN VEGETABLE VARIETIES:  THE GARDENER'S AND 
FARMER'S GUIDE TO PLANT BREEDING AND SEED SAVING (See table of contents, 
excerpts, & reviews at http://www.chelseagreen.com.)  

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