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Re: Gifts for men

  Maybe a little late, but....

  Gifts For Men
  Since the Holidays are fast approaching here are the do's 
  and don'ts of gift buying.  Buying gifts for men is not 
  nearly as  complicated as it is  for  women.  Follow these 
  rules and you should have no problems.
  Rule #1:
  When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter 
  if he already has one.  I have a friend who owns 17 and he 
  has yet to complain.  As a man, you can never have too many 
  cordless drills. No one knows why.
  Rule #2:
  If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with 
  the word ratchet or socket in it.  Men love saying those two 
  words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. 
  By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" 
  Again, no one knows why.
  Rule #3:
  If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his 
  car, a 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or 
  something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts 
  for their cars. No one knows why.
  Rule #4:
  Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men 
  bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear 
  bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
  Rule #5:
  You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they 
  have worn out.  If you have a lot of money buy your man a 
  big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch 
  him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
  Rule #6:
  Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it 
  will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey 
  or beer.
  Rule #7:
  Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave 
  or deodorant.  I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
  Rule #8:
  Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. 
  Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely 
  everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers.  Door.  Lock. 
  Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
  Rule #9:
  Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" 
  on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always 
  have parts left over.
  Rule #10:
  Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, 
  Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and 
  Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance 
  Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter 
  if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be 
  something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford 
  Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
  Rule #11:
  Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they 
  will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound 
  propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! 
  The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
  Rule #12:
  Tickets to a Chiefs game are a smart gift. However, he will 
  not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century 
  Quilts." Everyone knows why.
  Rule #13:
  Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain 
  saw.  If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what 
  happens when he gets a label maker.
  Rule #14:
  It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum 
  extension ladder.  Never buy a real man a stepladder.  It must 
  be an extension ladder.  No one knows why.
  Rule #15:
  Rope.  Men love rope.  It takes us back to our cowboy origins, 
  or at least The Boy Scouts.  Nothing says love like a hundred 
  feet of 3/8" manila rope.  No one knows why

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