Re: Still more Martha
> Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
> Never take a beer to a job interview.
> Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
> Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
> still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
> Dining Out
> When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and
> pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
> If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
> fingers covering the label.
> Entertaining in your home
> A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared
> by a taxidermist.
> Do not allow the dog to eat at the table.
> ...no matter how good his manners are.
> Personal Hygiene
> While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
> should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
> However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
> Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
> tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
> finger foods.
> Make eTour.com your start page, and you'll see a different
> Web site, matched to your interests, every time you log
> onto the Web. You'll also earn TourPoints while you're at
> it, redeemable for free gifts from JCrew, eToys, CDNow, and
> many more.
> Dating (outside the family)
> Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first
> Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting
> to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall
> two years ago."
> Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
> will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is
> the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school
> on time.
> Theater Etiquette
> Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
> immediately after the movie has ended.
> Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
> they can't hear you.
> Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
> cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
> Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
> Driving Etiquette
> Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
> loaded, and the deer is in sight.
> When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
> tires always has the right of way.
> Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
> to ask her to bring back beer.
> Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
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