Re: Fw: Jokes


 An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was
 finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a long
 conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
 finances, living arrangements
 and so on. Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject
 of their connubial relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked,
 rather hopefully.
 "Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently," she responded.
 The old guy paused....then he asked, "Was that one word or two?"
 
 << 
  A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds
  when he entered a patient's room. He found his patient
  sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in
  half. Another patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his
  feet.
 
  The doctor asked his patient what he was doing.
 
  The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece
  of wood in half?"
 
  The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from
  the ceiling doing?"
 
  "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks
  he's a lightbulb."
 
  The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, you should get him
  down from there before he hurts himself"
 
  "What? And work in the dark?"
 
   << Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor
  and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban
  neighborhood. They parked their truck at one end of the
  alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last
  house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the
  two men as they checked her gas meter.
 
  Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged
  his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to
  the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger
  one.
 
  As they came running up to the truck, they realized that
  the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right
  behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
 
  Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men
  running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run
  too!"
   
 :
 
 << The junior high school principal had a problem with some
  girls who were starting to use lipstick. When applying it
  in the bathroom they would blot their lips on the mirrors,
  leaving lip prints.
 
  So he spoke to the teachers and asked them for their help.
  They promised they would speak to the girls, but after two
  weeks, the situation didn't improve at all.
 
  He even called a few of the girls parents who were his
  friends for their advice, but to no avail. The mirrors were
  constantly a mess.
 
  Finally he thought of a way to stop it. One day he gathered
  together all the girls who wore lipstick. He then took them
  into the bathroom and lectured about how hard it was to
  clean the lipstick off the mirrors.
 
  You could see the young girls smiling at each other, all
  nodding publicly but smirking to one another.
 
  The principle then asked the custodian, who was present,
  to demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors.
 
  The custodian took a long handled brush, dipped it into
  the toilet and vigorously rubbed the lipstick off the
  mirror.
 
  From that day forward, the mirrors stayed lipstick free

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