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Re: Bumper Stickers we'd like to See:


     Bumper Stickers we'd like to See:
  He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
  Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
  A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
  On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
  Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
  Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
  I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe
  He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
  You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
  misquoted, then used against you.
  I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
  Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains
  so popular?
  Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial
  cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
  Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
  The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
  something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it
  It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end
  to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
  You can't have everything, where would you put it?
  Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the
  world's population.
  The things that come to those that wait may be the things
  left by those who got there first.
  A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing
  It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in
  Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
  appear bright until you hear them speak

I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you.....
 If you upset her even more you get the silent treatmeant.
 Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?


 A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma
 for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every
 single day. One day, when he finally awoke, he motioned for
 her to come closer.

 As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You
 know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
 When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my
 business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were
 by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
 When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
 You know what?"

 "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to
 fill with warmth.

 "I think you're bad luck."

 A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.
 He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his

 In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.  "No
 sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he
 said to himself.  He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.

 As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.

 "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes.  "I found
 them in the hallway."

 "Now," she said, "if only I could find my hamster."

A small bottle containing urine sat upon the desk of Sir William Osler, the 
eminent professor of medicine at Oxford University. Sitting before him was a 
class full of young, wide-eyed medical students, listening to his lecture on 
the importance of observing details. 

To emphasize his point, Sir Osler announced: "This bottle contains a sample 
for analysis. It's often possible by tasting it to determine the disease from 
which the patient suffers." 

He then dipped a finger into the fluid and brought it into his mouth. He 
continued speaking: "Now I am going to pass the bottle around. Each of you 
please do exactly as I did. Perhaps we can learn the importance of this 
technique and diagnose the case." 

The bottle made it's way from row to row, each student gingerly poking his 
finger in and bravely sampling the contents with a frown. 

Dr Osler then retrieved the bottle and startled his students by saying: 
"Gentlemen, now you will understand what I mean when I speak about details. 
Had you been observant, you would have seen that I put my INDEX FINGER in the 
bottle but my MIDDLE FINGER into my mouth!"
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