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Fw: Election 2000

Well it could be worse... we could have been annexed by Cuba...
|----------- Forwarded by Joyce Tibbs/USA/AWG/Support/AONCORP on11/16/2000
09:51 AM ------------
| Subject:  Election 2000

| To the citizens of the United States of America,
| In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
| govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
| independence, effective today.
| Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
| all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
| not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the
| 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your
| borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further
| elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will
| be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
| To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
| are introduced with immediate effect:
| 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
| look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
| how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your
| vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same
| seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know"
| is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
| "interspersed".
| 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
| your behalf.
| 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
| really isn't that hard.
| 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
| good guys.
| 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
| but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
| and give up half way through.
| 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
| football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
| The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
| may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
| be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially,
| would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those
| you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar
| to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every
| seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to
| get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
| 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
| they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
is a
| world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
| never
| been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
| 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
| national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
| 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
| good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
| 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
| Thank you for your cooperation.

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