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Fw: OT: Suburbia Lawns

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Jim allAn zone 5 New York State 
Northeastern USA.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: Kevin Chisholm <kchishol@FOX.NSTN.CA>
To: <OGL@LSV.UKY.EDU>
Sent: Wednesday, April 05, 2000 12:57 PM
Subject: OT: Suburbia Lawns


> Theres a message in here!! :-)
> 
> Kevin
> 
> >Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded.
> >I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it
> die
> >anyway.
> >Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns
> have to
> >be
> >the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We
> >constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets,
> chicory
> >and clover
> >that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed
> through an
> >annual
> >four-step chemical dependency.
> >
> >Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about
> this:
> >
> >"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
> going on
> >down there in Suburbia? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
> thistle
> >and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden
> plan.
> >Those
> >plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with
> >abandon.
> >The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey
> bees
> >and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by
> now.
> >But
> >all I see are these green rectangles."
> >
> >"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
> started
> >calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and
> >replace them with grass."
> >
> >"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract
> >butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
> temperamental
> >with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass
> growing
> >there?"
> >
> >"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
> green.
> >They begin each spring by fertilising grass and poisoning any other
> plant
> >that
> >crops up in the lawn."
> >
> >"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really
> fast.
> >That
> >must make the Suburbanites happy."
> >
> >"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
> sometimes
> >twice a week."
> >
> >"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
> >
> >"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
> >
> >"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
> >
> >"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
> >
> >"Now let me get this straight. They fertilise grass so it will grow.
> And
> >when
> >it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
> >
> >"Yes, sir."
> >
> >"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
> the
> >rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them
> a lot
> >of work."
> >
> >"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so
> fast,
> >they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can
> continue to
> >mow it
> >and pay to get rid of it."
> >
> >"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
> >stroke
> >of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring
> to
> >provide
> >beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
> and
> >form
> >a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees
> and
> >bushes.
> >Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a
> >natural
> >circle of life."
> >
> >"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.
> As
> >soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them
> >hauled
> >away."
> >
> >"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
> and
> >keep the soil moist and loose?"
> >
> >"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they
> call
> >mulch They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
> >
> >"And where do they get this mulch?"
> >
> >"They cut down trees and grind them up."
> >
> >"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine,
> you're
> >in
> >charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"
> >
> >"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
> >
> >


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