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Off Topic: Virus Warnings

Hope everyone will be careful of some of these very dangerous viruses that
are out there.  ;-)  Author(s) unknown.


>Watch out for Virus's:

   Woody Allen Virus
   Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

   Tonya Harding Virus
   Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons.

   Paul Revere Virus
   Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\.

   Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
   Instantly turns 1 K of disk space into 1 Meg.

   Ollie North Virus
   Plays a patriotic WAV while it shreds your files.

   Joey Buttafuoco Virus
   Only attacks minor files.

   Lorena Bobbit Virus
   Your hard disc turns into a 3.5 floppy.

   Ronald Reagan Virus
   Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored.

   Jane Fonda Virus
   Attacks your hard drive's FAT.

   Oprah Winfrey Virus
   Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 MB, and then slowly
expands to 300 MB.

   AT&T Virus
   Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

   MCI Virus
   Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the
AT&T  Virus.

   Politically Correct Virus
   Never calls itself a "virus," instead refers to itself as an "electronic
   microorganism."

   Ross Perot Virus
   Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn
thing quits.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
   Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

   Government Economist Virus
   Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

   Federal Bureaucrat Virus
   Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does
practically    nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important
part of your computer.

   Adam and Eve Virus
   Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

   Congressional Virus #1
   The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message
appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

   Congressional Virus #2
   Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow
the user to accomplish anything.

   Airline Virus
   You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

   Freudian Virus
   Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very
jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.

   PBS Virus
   Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

   Jimmy Hoffa Virus
   Your programs can never be found again.

   LAPD Virus
   It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases
them in "self-defense."



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