OT: Humor
- To: i*@egroups.com
- Subject: OT: Humor
- From: D* S*
- Date: Tue, 15 Aug 2000 14:19:06 -0700
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had
> with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:
>
> GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and
> nature. What in the world is going on down there?
> What happened to the dandelions,
> violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?
> I had a perfect,no-maintenance garden plan.
> Those plants grow in any type of soil,
> withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
> The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts
> butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.
> I expected to see a vast garden of colors by
> now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
>
> ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled
> there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling
> your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to
> kill them and replace them with grass.
>
> GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not
> colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and
> bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental
> with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites
> really want all that grass growing there?
>
> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to
> great pains to grow it and keep it green.
> They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and
> poisoning any other plant that crops up in
> the lawn.
>
> God: The spring rains and warm weather probably
> make grass grow really fast. That must make the
> Suburbanites happy.
>
> St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as
> it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
>
> God: They cut it? Do they then bail it like
> hay?
>
> St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them
> rake it up and put it in bags.
>
> God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do
> they sell it?
>
> St. Francis: No Sir. Just the opposite. They
> pay to throw it away.
>
> God: Now let me get this straight. They
> fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does
> grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
>
> St. Francis: Yes, Sir.
>
> God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the
> summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up
> the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
> them a lot of work.
>
> St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this
> Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast,
> they drag out hoses and pay more money to
> water it so they can continue to mow it and pay
> to get rid of it.
>
> God: What nonsense. At least they kept some of
> the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius,
> if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in
> the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
> summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
> and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in
> the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as
> they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil.
> It's a natural circle of life.
>
> St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The
> Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as
> the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and
> pay to have them hauled away.
>
> God: No. What do they do to protect the shrub
> and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil
> moist and loose?
>
> St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves,
> they go out and buy something which they call mulch.
> The haul it home and spread it around in place of
> the leaves.
>
> God: And where do they get this mulch?
>
> St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them
> up to make the mulch.
>
> God: Enough. I don't want to think about this
> anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.
> What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?
>
> St. Catherine: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a
> real stupid movie about.....
>
> God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole
> story from St. Francis.l
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