OT-Humor: Non-Iris related, "Let It Snow, Let It Snow!"

From: Glenn Simmons <glsimmon@swbell.net>

Here is another one my cousin has sent me that I thought worth sharing.  Cousin
got real busy a couple of days ago, she sent me 8 in one day!  :)



> THIS IS A LONG ONE, BUT IT IS WORTH IT!!!!
>
>   ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> >
> >  Diary of a Snow Shoveler
> >
> >  December 6: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
> >  and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
> >  watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.  It looked  like a
> >  Grandma Moses Print.  So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
> >  snow!
> >
> >  December 7: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
> >  covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
> >  be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea
> > I've
> >  ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and  felt like a boy
> > again.
> >  I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This  afternoon the snowplow
> >  came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I
> > got
> >  to shovel again.  What a perfect life.
> >
> >  December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
> > disappointment.
> >  My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white
> > Christmas.
> > No
> >  snow on Christmas would be awful!  Bob says we'll have so much snow by
> > the
> >  end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.  l don't think
> > that's
> >  possible.  Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
> >
> >  December 14: Snow lovely snow!  8" last night. The temperature dropped
> > to -20.  The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
> > away,
> >  but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the
> > life!
> >  The snowplow came back and covered everything up again.  I didn't
> >  realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly
> > get
> >  back in shape this way.
> >
> >  December 15: 20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
> >  Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
> >  freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
> > think
> >  that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
> >
> >  December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
> >  driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
> > which I
> >  think was very cruel.
> >
> >  December 17: Still way below freezing.  Roads are too icy to go
> >  anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on
> > to
> > stay
> >  warm.  Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
> > Guess
> > I
> >  should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when
> > she's
> >  right.  I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
> >
> >  December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
> >  stuff last night.  More shoveling. Took all day.  Damn snowplow came by
> >  twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
> >  busy playing hockey.  I think they're lying.  Called the only hardware
> > store
> >  around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.  Might have
> > another
> >  shipment in March.  I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
> > the
> > city
> >  will have it done and bill me.  I think  he's lying.
> >
> >  December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
> >  inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
> > melt
> > till
> >  August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
> > then I had to urinate. By the time I got undressed, urinated and dressed
> > again. I was too tired to shovel.  Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his
> > truck for the rest of the
> > winter; but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.
> >
> >  December 23: Only 2" of snow today.  And it warmed up to 0. The wife
> > wanted
> > me to decorate the front of the house this morning.  What is she nuts!!!
> > Why
> > didn't she  tell me to do that a month ago?  She says she did but I think
> > she's lying.
> >
> >  December 24: 6".  Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
> >  Thought I  was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son  of a bitch
> > who
> >  drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his %#^&&!. I
> > know he
> > hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
> > comes
> > down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've
> > just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
> > and
> > open our presents, but I was busy watching for the damn snowplow.
> >
> > December 25: Merry Christmas.  20 more inches of the !@#@!$#@!@# slop
> > tonight.
> >  Snowed in.  The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow!
> > Then
> > the
> >  snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I  hit him over the
> > head
> > with my
> >  shovel.  The wife says I have a bad attitude.  I think she's an idiot. If
> > I
> > have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill
> > her.
> >
> >  December 26: Still snowed in.  Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
> > all
> > HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
> >
> >  December 27:  Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
> >
> >  December 28: Warmed up to above -20.  Still snowed in.  She is driving me
> > crazy!!!!!
> >
> >  December 29: 10 more inches.  Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
> > could
> > cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard.  How dumb does he think I
> > am?
> >
> >  December 30: Roof caved in.  The snow plow driver is suing me for a
> > million
> > dollars.
> >  The wife went home to her mother.  9 inches predicted.
> >
> >  December 31:  Set fire to what's left of the house.  No more shoveling.
> >
> >  January 8: I feel so good.  I just love those little white pills they
> > keep
> > giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
> >

Merry Christmas, Glenn

--
Glenn & Linda Simmons
Springfield, Southwest Missouri, USDA Zone 6
g*@swbell.net



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