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FW: Poetry in motion



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From: Hickman, Tony
To: dang
Subject: Poetry in motion
Date: Tuesday, 27 May 1997 12:48PM

     A TRUE STORY


I examined my pumpkin the other night
And what I found was an ugly site
I measured around and over the top
And then I found...... the blossom end rot

I stepped back and covered my face
After all that work ,I'm out of the race
I went to the house and rolled a smoke
I told the kids, they thought it was a joke

But they knew it was true because my face was pale
I opened the fridge and downed an ale
I'll call my mate, he'll know what to do
"Your joking" he said" That can't be true"

 "Pick it now, get it out of your patch
The bugs will get in, lay eggs and hatch
Get it out of there, the place it was born in
And we will fix it up tomorrow morning"

I couldn't lift it by myself
So I sent the kids to get some help
The neighbors came, "You want to lift something"
"Yes, I need a hand to move my pumpkin"

"Do it yourself, you don't need four"
"Are your wives busy, we might need more"
We went to the garden, I showed them my prize
They stood in awe, couldn't beleive their eyes

So I got a tarp and we gathered around
"We'll get it in the middle, then lift it off the ground"
My sick neighbor, he had a bad cough
Grabbed it by the stem and snapped it right off

I nearly cried and I said a rude word
Loud enough that the whole world heard
He looked at the stem, it was long and fat
Then he thew it away, he said "You can't eat that"

I finally calmed down, though my face was still red
"Just lift it " I snapped, and get it into the shed
It was still in one piece, in its bright orange glory
And my neighbor is still alive,to pass on the story

The next day the pumpkin Doc came around
His beaming smile quickly turned to a frown
The colour is good and the shape is a gem
But theres a whole in the back and you've cut off the stem

So I told him the story, he said "You know what I think"
'You shouldn't move pumpkins when you've had too much to drink
"But it was after my neighbor had snapped off the trunk
That I had a few drinks and maybe got drunk

Let this be a lesson, to everyone
Don't plant too early, don't jump the gun
Take it slow, don't go full throttle
Or you'll be drowning your sorrows, in the bottom of a bottle


                                                             Tony Hickman
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     The Pumpkin God

I need a sacrifice for the pumpkin god
To make him happy I need a dead bod
Maybe a moose or a buck or a doe
I can't make up my mind which way to go

A chicken or rabbit or maybe a cat
Something to please him and make my pumpkin fat
A snake or a lizard or even a hound
Anything that might improve the ground

Some panthers or leopards or even some lions
So I can grow some healthy long vines
Some hippies or skinheads or maybe some thugs
To keep him happy and keep out the bugs

Maybe an eagle or a crow or a crane
Anything that might bring me some rain
A hippo or an elephant but only just one
Anything that might get me more sun

Maybe a rhino thats been freshly shot
Could put an end to the blossom end rot
A wombat or koala or a kangaroo
Just in case of powdery mildew

I'll sacrifice anything, I don't care what the cost
To keep away the killing frost
A salmon or trout or even a sturgeon
Because I'm damned if I can find, a young blond virgin

                                                Tony Hickman
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