Pumpkin Banditry

Regarding the serious problem of Pumpkin Banditry........
    There is much discussion regarding personal alarm systems. While I,
as your duly appointed Pumpkin Witch (many thanks for all those votes of
confidence; Fear not, I will not fail you). will be available to help
locate & thwart the perpetraters os such an outrage (as pumpkin theft);
the best plan is still to either deter the theft from happening at all;
or to stop the theft in progress.
   We need to plan now & make our precautions for next year.
Realizing that many of you are at a loss as to where to start in your
frantic attempts to protect your prodigous produce, I, OF COURSE, have a
few ideas I am willing to share with you.
    In addition to private alarm systems, I recommend one or more of the
following.
1. Use a bait pumpkin to draw them away from your other pumpkins.
    A. coat the pumpkin with something really sticky, so that when they
try to pick it up, they won't be able to put it down. Think how easy it
will be to find 2-3 guys staggering around with a pumpkin they can't let
go of. Adding a coating of skunk scent is always a nice touch.
    2. place rat traps around the pumpkin, under the vines (so they
can't see them untill its too late)(always buy these under an assumed
name...then you can claim some neighborhood kid must have been pulling a
prank & you won't be held responsible)
    3. rig it if you can so that as the pumpkin is lifted a really loud
march is played that can be heard to the end of the block, & at the same
time, your floodlights should go on. (a flashing strobe light would also
do nicely)
    At this point, the garden sprinkler should go on, spraying them with
tar, ink or whatever, even a sugar solution will work (corn syrup or
molasses are also good). The exploding ballons (filled with a light
powder or flour) should be released, now.
    So now you have: your pumpkin bandits, jumping around, holding a
pumpkin they can't get rid of; covered with tar & white powder, smelling
like a skunk, with rat traps on their feet, under the spotlight, with
music playing to wake the dead.
RESULTS: You catch your thieves. The neighborhood is rolling on the
ground in hysterics (they may think you're crazy; but they admire the
heck out of you). The cops are laughing so hard they can barely arrest
the guys, & I guarantee pumpkin crime will stop in your neighborhood.
The only problem I don't have licked is how do you get the hand cuffs on
them, over the pumpkin.  How do you get them in the patrol car?...You
don't; they call for the paddy wagon.
 Yours truly,
Your Own Pumpkin Witch ,
TerryLynn
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