A MINNESOTA ANNOTATED THERMOMETER
- To: <h*@lava.net>, <d*@fafb.af.mil>, <B*@the-bridge.net>, <C*@value.net>, <P*@toro.com>, <pumpkins@mallorn.com>
- Subject: A MINNESOTA ANNOTATED THERMOMETER
- From: j*@adc.com
- Date: Mon, 17 Nov 97 16:48:38 -0600
> A MINNESOTA ANNOTATED THERMOMETER (degrees Fahrenheit)
>
> +50°F
> ~ New York tenants turn on the heat
> ~ Minnesotans plant gardens
>
> +40°F
> ~ Californians shiver uncontrollably
> ~ Minnesotans sunbathe
>
> +35°F
> ~ Italian cars don't start
>
> +32°F
> ~ Distilled water freezes
>
> +30°F
> ~ You can see your breath
> ~ You plan a vacation in Florida
> ~ Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
> ~ Minnesotans eat ice cream
>
> +25°F
> ~ Boston water freezes
> ~ Californians weep pitiably
> ~ Cat insists on sleeping with you on your bed
>
> +20°F
> ~ Cleveland water freezes
> ~ San Franciscans start thinking favorably of Los Angeles
> ~ Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
>
> +15°F
> ~ You plan a vacation in CANCUN !!! > ~
Minnesotans go swimming (through the ice)
>
> +10°F
> ~ Too cold to snow
> ~ You need jumper cables to get the car going
>
> 0°F
> ~ New York landlords turn on the heat
>
> -5°F
> ~ You can hear your breath
> ~ You plan a vacation to Hawaii
>
> -10°F
> ~ American cars don't start
> ~ Too cold to skate
>
> -15°F
> ~ You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
> ~ Miamians cease to exist
> ~ Minnesotans lick flagpoles
>
> -20°F
> ~ Cat insists on sleeping with you in your pajamas
> ~ People in LaCrosse think about taking down window screens
>
> -25°F
> ~ Too cold to kiss
> ~ You need jumper cables to get the driver going
> ~ Japanese cars don't start
> ~ Green Bay Packers fans take off T-shirts
>
> -30°F
> ~ You plan a two-week hot bath
> ~ Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
>
> -38°F
> ~ Mercury freezes
> ~ Too cold to think
> ~ Minnesotans button top button
>
> -40°F
> ~ Californians disappear
> ~ _Car_ insists on sleeping with you in your bed
> ~ Minnesotans put on sweaters
>
> -50°F
> ~ Congressional hot air freezes
> ~ Alaskans close the bathroom window
> ~ Green Bay Packers practice indoors
>
> -60°F
> ~ Walruses abandon Aleutians
> ~ Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
> ~ Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
>
> -70°F
> ~ Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
> ~ Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo, WI
>
> -80°F
> ~ Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
> ~ Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
>
> -90°F
> ~ Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
> ~ Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer
>
> -100°F
> ~ Santa Claus abandons North Pole
> ~ Minnesotans pull down earflaps
>
> -173°F
> ~ Ethyl alcohol freezes
>
> -445°F
> ~ Superconductivity
>
> -452°F
> ~ Helium becomes a liquid
>
> -454°F
> ~ Hell freezes over (Vikings win a Superbowl)
>
> -456°F
> ~ Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90 freeway
>
> -458°F
> ~ Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
>
> -460°F (Absolute Zero)
> ~ All atomic motion ceases
> ~ Minnesotans agree that it's getting a "mite nippy"!
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