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Re: Invitation to the party!

Dan Shapiro wrote:
> 
> This is probably a first, but in honor of the real purpose behind growing giant vegetables I thought I would invite the entire world (of giant pumpkin people) to my house for a pumpkin carving party. This is a regular event and I have a lot of fun with the invitation, but any of you who really do happen to be in the San Francisco Bay Area on Oct 30 are welcome to come. Email me, and I'll send directions.
> 
> Dan Shapiro
> 
> ------------------------------------------------------
> 
> "MY LIFE AS A VEGETATIVE MONSTROSITY"
> 
> or, "What I did this summer"
> by
> Daniel Shapiro
> 
> This summer, I discovered a fundamental truth of the universe. It's not very difficult to explain or at all hard to understand, it's just a bit obscure. So here it is. *Life is a pumpkin*. More exactly, life is an Atlantic Giant pumpkin with an orange tinge; an uncooked, impenetrably thick behemoth with the ponderous distinction of being fruit half as big as God - and we are all hunting for the recipe. Think about it. At birth, someone gave you an 800 lb vegetable, said "Eat it!", and years later you wake up in your bathroom slippers holding this ridiculous teaspoon, feeling vaguely out of touch. "Raw??", you say? No Worcestershire? Is that civilized? Where is my after-dinner mint?
> 
> Granted life is a pumpkin, just how should you cook it? To answer this deep question I took a poll. The responses: "sweet, with brown sugar and cinnamon", "as pie, in the normal fashion", "from the outside", "smothered in catsup to disguise the taste", "diced to minute rectangular pieces, and perfectly ordered on a plate", "en flambe", "delicately seasoned with a dash of cayenne", "fast, raw, and hard". Personally, I want my life shredded, strained, and boiled to a pulp in the British fashion so I can eat it with my face, like spaghetti. There is no accounting for taste.
> 
> Of course, life isn't just about eating your gourds, it's about growing them too. Not those pipsqueekish, squash-like, tasteful aperitifs, but the creation of ungodly massive fruit from the vine. I mean steroid laden brobdignagian vegetative monstrosities so unnatural they require Olympic gardening - a sport characterized by dedication, obsession, a lack of personal hygiene, and the curcurpitaceous cannon: Grow big gourds. Big gourds are good. Big gourds will set you free. So that's what I did this summer - learn legions of life lessons from a plant:
> 
> (1) True growth comes from within. You must reach your rind, consult your inner gourd, and envision your vegetable to release its full potential.
> 
> (2) Tender loving care is not enough. Superstitious behavior is required. Sing Tuvan pumpkin prayers, sacrifice seedlings, spend money, erect shrines, then fertilize with the occasional kitty cat.
> 
> (3) Pour yourself into your work. I admit it, to keep the squirrels out, I peed on the corners of my patch. DON'T ARGUE. It worked. Or if it didn't, it was one hell of a manly superstition.
> 
> (4) Avoid stem stress at all costs. Stem stress is ... bad.
> 
> And what was the reward for all this effort? Ask Bertha, the bodacious, ruminating, hand fed tuber in my back yard; she's a humming 500 lbs of solid stone sober metaphorical content you could break your nose on in a flash! And Bertha will be at this year's pumpkin carving party.
> 
> *YOU ARE INVITED*. Come to the 26th annual pumpkinological conference and carve your way to enlightenment. Reflect on life *as* a pumpkin. Put life *in* a pumpkin. View life *through* a pumpkin! (We can accommodate.) Explore your inner squash/squash innards. Squash/squish squash innards too. Why not? Pick up a power tool and liberate curcurpitaceous truths!! Witness 4,500 lbs of fruitaceous bodies, all fecund with wisdom. Gourd your loins to meet the muse for she is waiting in a pumpkin, her crystal fingers softly poised to grace the world with art by knife. How can you resist? Come to the party and experience *Veritas et Vegetatus*: Truth and Vegetables.
> 
> VITAL INFORMATION
> 
> TIME: 6 PM into the night, Thursday, October 30 (the day before Halloween)
> 
> I SUPPLY: a plastic-lined living room, a cauldron of cider, a yard full of theatrical fog, 100s of candles, and one Omigod (that's a unit) of pumpkins. I kind of went overboard with giants this year, too. There will be: Bertha@506lbs, and Ruprecht @315lbs (also from my backyard), then Grumpy, Sneezy, Dopey, Bashful, Sleepy, Happy, and Doc all in the 100-325 lb range. This is really true. Add that to the ~2000 lbs of normal sized gourds I supply, and you are looking at 4500 lbs of pumpkin pleasure.
> 
> YOU BRING:
> - Knives, scrapers, markers and other carving devices. Power tools are allowed.
> - Food for the potluck
> - Grungy clothes (do not wear orange!)
> 
> SPECIAL EVENT: We open up Bertha at 8PM.
> 
> PARTY RULES:
> - Please arrange for one dedicated supervising adult per child.
> - Carve as many pumpkins as you like and take home one.
> - Invite a friend. Please call about friends of friends.
> 
> NEWS FLASH! Bertha won a prize at Half Moon Bay; second largest San Mateo grown gourd!


Dan,
  Thank You for the invite to the newsgroup. When I first heard about
the party I thought it to be one of the most clever ever. I would like
to R.S.V.P. for 4 People. My wife Monica, Who likes her Pumpkin prepared
for her. Lightly seasoned, and eaten with a clean fork. My 5 year old
daughter Brittany who prefers to dive in and eat hers raw from the
inside out (sans utensils). My 35 day old son Talon 9/9/97,  who just
wants his out of a bottle for now. And I, who most like mine out of a
backpack, High in the Mountains, Heartily Seasoned and served with a
Fresh Trout.

Is the party anywhere near Fremont?
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note:           Your next Pumpkin is the first Pumpkin of the rest of your life.
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