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News Flash

EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT

MAN EATEN BY FUNGUS GNATS!

Dateline, Boulder Colorado.
     In this quaint little town nestled at the base of the Rocky
Mountains, a very disturbing incident took place in the middle of the
night.  
     Stan, the cheap and lazy gardener, was eaten last night by a rouge
gang of Fungus Gnats.  
     NEIGHBOR: "He always seemed like such a nice guy.  I never would
have believed that he was raising Fungus Gnats.
     ANOTHER NEIGHBOR:  "I knew something was suspicious.  He would go
out into his garden in the middle of the night to check on something. 
Now I know that it was his Fungus Gnat farm.  
     Apparently, Stan, (he mysteriously has no last name), was growing
mold under cheap, magical, "pyramids" that kept changing shape!  The
molds were apparently required as nurishment for the Fungus Gnats. 
However, it is still not certain why he had the multicolored Christmas
tree lights spread over the ground.
     Some people in the area believe that he was summoning UFO's and
trying to catch them in 2 liter pop bottles.  The "water" found in the 2
liter pop bottles, (mysteriously) marked "PBWOW") has been sent to the
FBI for analyses.
     SHERIFF:  Them Fungus Gnats are a real tricky bunch.  You got to
keep your eye on them every second.  I guess ole Stan just didn't feed
them enough and they went a huntin", and found Stan.
     ANOTHER NEIGHBOR: " Well, I think he got just what he deserved. 
Imagine, raising Fungus Gnats in his garden.  I was told that that was
illegal since the '60's."
     And so, another Fungus Gnat tragedy takes the life of another
experimenter.  When will this ever end? 
     NEWS FLASH-------Congress has just passed legislation regulating the
interstate trafficking of Fungus Gnats and mold.  The president is
expected to sign this legislation into law only if it includes
restrictions on the use of pyramids and Christmas tree lights.


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