Re: survey

My folks are pretty stiff. I nearly died laughing when they met Mike &
Elaine on their last visit and Elaine hugged the stuffing out of them.
My mother looked at me like a deer in headlights and all I could do was
laugh. Guess I should have been more sympathetic, huh?


Pam Evans
Kemp, TX
zone 8A
----- Original Message -----
From: Kitty
Sent: 12/30/2004 7:08:32 PM
To: gardenchat@hort.net
Subject: [CHAT] survey

I guess I should have been more precise.

I was thinking of the example I mentioned:

>>You can't say a simple "Hey that was great fun! Thanks for inviting me.

See you soon!"<<

To elaborate:

I get together with about 6-8 women about every 6 weeks to chat at one of

our homes.  We've know each othe since grade or high school.  One woman, my

oldest friend, loves to hug anything she can grab hold of.  As I followed

her out at evening's end she threw her arms around the hostess and thanked

her for  a nice night. As her arms came back up she attempted to bring them

down on me for the next hug; I deftly caught it in mid air and guided it

away quietly.  But no, she whips it back up and comes down on me with both

arms, so I ducked out of harms way.  "I want a hug!"  "Debbe, you know I

don't like hugs."  "I don't care!  I want a hug!"  "Well, you're not getting

it from me."



Anyone looking at this exchange would think I'm very antisocial, and what's

the harm in a hug.  Hugs are positive things.  So I look like a jerk for

asking someone not to hug me.  So instead I usually just submit, grin and

bear it.  But Debbe KNOWS how I feel.  Hugs make me very uncomfortable.  We

have discussed it.  And this is not some special moment in our lives.  It's

a simple "good bye - see you next time" thing.  Why must I have to grit my

teeth and take it just because she wants it?  Hmmm? That's abuse of the

friendship.



So, the A or B I'm asking about refers to a casual, reasonably frequent

get-together of friends.



Just so you know - I gladly and warmly hugged my nephew when he got off the

plane last night.  But it has been over 6 months and he nearly died a couple

of times.  That is hug material.





Kitty



----- Original Message ----- 

From: "Jesse Bell" <

> Depends on the person...family, friend, business associate.  Some people

you

> feel more comfortable hugging than others.

>

>

>

>

> >From: kmrsy@comcast.net

> >Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net

> >To: gardenchat@hort.net

> >Subject: Re: [CHAT] One project  > survey

> >Date: Thu, 30 Dec 2004 21:53:39 +0000

> >

> >I think that's wonderful, Donna. I wish I could be more like that. To

> >tell you the truth, though, I am in better shape now than during her

> >last visit. I'm just not a particularly sociable person and consequently

> >I'm sort of torn betwen wanting to just do what I want and feeling like

> >a terrible host.

> >

> >

> >Here's an example:

> >I reallllllllllly hate all the hugging people want to do all the time

> >now. You can't say a simple "Hey that was great fun! Thanks for inviting

> >me. See you soon!", without someone glombing on to you, grabbing you

> >with both arms and dragging you into their bosom.

> >

> >

> >So, survey time:

> >A: "Hugs all-around! I'm touchy-feely. Anyone within grabbing distance!

> >Hello! Goodbye! Oh, just c'mere and give me a great big hug!!!!!"

> >

> >B:  "Hugs ok if appropriate - which is rarely.  Keep your distance."

> >

> >Which one are you?  A or B?

> >

> >Kitty



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