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Re: Happy Birthday!

Oh, don't get me wrong...my husband spoils me rotten..with material things. But I told him what I really need, and what I really WANT...is some time for ME. I used to have an art studio, I used to take classes and do things that nurtured my soul. Then, I married, took on three more children and life changed. That's fine. I love them all. But children grow up...and they still expect you to do everything for them unless you teach them how to do it on their own. You can ask Pam...my three children (not my husband's) were taught early on how to do things for themselves. But then, the teen years hit...and the rolling of eyes begin, and the whining, and the disappearing into their rooms for hours and never coming out begins. But when they WANT something, they sure ask for it. I call it the "It's all about ME" syndrome. I think it's the "Divine One's" way off making your children so frustrating that you don't cry your eyes out when they leave HOME. The first two children (my husband's two oldest) were hell on wheels and I just about left because of them. Now, they are a joy to be around. They have grown up and matured somewhat. One of them has a baby now (reality sets in.....evil laugh in the background). So, I know I am not the first mother/wife in history to feel this way. But I will say this, and then I'm off my soapbox. The world is not balanced and when it is not balanced...there are problems. It is a FACT that men still do less of the housework than women...and women are working outside the home more and more...so therefore, they end up working 24 hours, 7 days a week. I refuse. I told my husband that time off, means TIME OFF. I want to pick up my cello lessons again. I want to paint. I want to take dance lessons. I want to enjoy the "OTHER HALF" of my life. Let's face it....life expectancy is around 80 years old (give or take) so, I've had kids, raised them, devoted the first part of my life to that....and now...it's time to let go and let them learn to take care of themselves. And when that happens, their little comfort zone is disturbed and they don't much like it.

Jesse Rene' Bell
Claremore, OK
Zone 6

From: "Kitty" <kmrsy@comcast.net>
Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
Subject: Re: [CHAT] Happy Birthday!
Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004 13:56:52 -0500

To be honest, I bet you'd agree that there is a certain warmth in "doing"
for your family. You WANT to do things for them because you love them.
Problem is, you overdid it, and now you've got to bring some balance back to
the household. They need to learn the value of doing for the people they
love, too.

For the 7 or 8 years I was with my husband, I enjoyed doing things for him.
But over time, he abused this.  We sort of had an agreement that I'd take
care of the household and when we went out, he'd pay.  I knew I had the
short end of the stick, but didn't mind and I really did enjoy doing for
him......  But if we went out, he'd give me a hard time over ordering a
second drink.  And then he just preferred going out alone.  And if I didn't
cook, that was ok, he'd go out to eat - but wouldn't take me.  Eventually I
took a stand and told him he'd have to do his own laundry, cooking, etc -
or - he could resume his end of the bargain.  He refused.  I clearly
remember, as we drove to my sister's house one day about 6 weeks into this
stalemate, he got very upset and accused me of not loving him anymore
because I wouldn't do these things for him.  I explained that I genuinely
missed doing these things for him, but I'm not a doormat.  He never did


----- Original Message -----
From: "Jesse Bell" <jesserenebell@hotmail.com>
To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
Sent: Saturday, February 07, 2004 1:16 PM
Subject: Re: [CHAT] Happy Birthday!

> Thanks! And no, you don't sound preachy at all. It's just the truth.
> hit that point in my life where my family thinks I've gone insane and
> "changed". LOL. Because I've gone on strike. When they ask "what's for
> dinner?" I say "I don't know, what are you fixing?" When my husband can't
> find clothes I say "I don't know, ask the laundry fairy what she did with
> it". It dawned on me that I have a house full of teenagers and a husband
> who think they can't do anything. The youngest three are all 15 years
> The other is 17. The oldest two are gone. I work outside the home. So
> does my husband. So why should I be the one who plans dinners, does all
> laundry and somehow magically know where to find things that they have
> It escapes me. So...about two weeks ago, I did the "meltdown" thing and
> gathered the whole family together and told them that I am not their maid
> housekeeper, I will be taking time to do the things that I want to do and
> that bothers them, TOO BAD! They always seem to find time to do what they
> want to do, but I'm the one stuck cleaning the house and such. NO MORE.
> told my husband if he wants a clean and spotless house, then get after it
> hire a housecleaner. I will do SOME, but not ALL anymore. And I warned
> them that gardening season is around the corner and if they need
> me...they'll know where to find me...and it WON'T be in the house. I've
> heard this happens to women when they hit the menopausal
> guess it hit me. I do NOT have to do this anymore. They are all quite
> capable of doing it themselves. I am not Saint Jesse the martyr. If they
> want something...learn to do it themselves. End of discussion. So, now
> they think I've become this grouchy person. OH well.
> Jesse Rene' Bell
> Claremore, OK
> Zone 6
> >From: Aplfgcnys@aol.com
> >Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
> >To: gardenchat@hort.net
> >Subject: Re: [CHAT] Happy Birthday!
> >Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004 12:17:11 EST
> >
> >Belated Happy Birthday, Jesse. Here's hoping it was a good one. Don't
> >give
> >up your dreams for your own business - time passes more quickly than you
> >would
> >believe. I do know that from your perspective, you young women think your
> >hectic over-crowded days with a houseful will never end, but kids do
> >up
> >eventually (sometimes it takes longer than you expect) and the days do
> >when
> >you can do those things you dream about. Just have faith. Forgive me if
> >sound "preachy," but I've been there. Auralie
> >
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> _________________________________________________________________
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