Re: Happy Birthday!

As I have mentioned once or twice darling - it's YOUR turn. You've done
and done for your family all your life. It's your turn to do something
for yourself for a change. It's only fair after all!


---------- Original Message ----------------------------------
From: "Jesse Bell" <jesserenebell@hotmail.com>
Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
Date:  Sat, 07 Feb 2004 12:53:47 -0600

>Oh, don't get me wrong...my husband spoils me rotten..with material things.  
>But I told him what I really need, and what I really WANT...is some time for 
>ME.  I used to have an art studio, I used to take classes and do things that 
>nurtured my soul.  Then, I married, took on three more children and life 
>changed.  That's fine.  I love them all.  But children grow up...and they 
>still expect you to do everything for them unless you teach them how to do 
>it on their own.  You can ask Pam...my three children (not my husband's) 
>were taught early on how to do things for themselves.  But then, the teen 
>years hit...and the rolling of eyes begin, and the whining, and the 
>disappearing into their rooms for hours and never coming out begins.  But 
>when they WANT something, they sure ask for it.  I call it the "It's all 
>about ME" syndrome.  I think it's the "Divine One's" way off making your 
>children so frustrating that you don't cry your eyes out when they leave 
>HOME.  The first two children (my husband's two oldest) were hell on wheels 
>and I just about left because of them.  Now, they are a joy to be around.  
>They have grown up and matured somewhat.  One of them has a baby now 
>(reality sets in.....evil laugh in the background).  So, I know I am not the 
>first mother/wife in history to feel this way.  But I will say this, and 
>then I'm off my soapbox.  The world is not balanced and when it is not 
>balanced...there are problems.  It is a FACT that men still do less of the 
>housework than women...and women are working outside the home more and 
>more...so therefore, they end up working 24 hours, 7 days a week.  I refuse. 
>  I told my husband that time off, means TIME OFF.  I want to pick up my 
>cello lessons again.  I want to paint.  I want to take dance lessons.  I 
>want to enjoy the "OTHER HALF" of my life.  Let's face it....life expectancy 
>is around 80 years old (give or take) so, I've had kids, raised them, 
>devoted the first part of my life to that....and now...it's time to let go 
>and let them learn to take care of themselves.  And when that happens, their 
>little comfort zone is disturbed and they don't much like it.
>
>
>
>Jesse Rene' Bell
>Claremore, OK
>Zone 6
>
>
>
>
>
>>From: "Kitty" <kmrsy@comcast.net>
>>Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
>>To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
>>Subject: Re: [CHAT] Happy Birthday!
>>Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004 13:56:52 -0500
>>
>>Jesse,
>>To be honest, I bet you'd agree that there is a certain warmth in "doing"
>>for your family.  You WANT to do things for them because you love them.
>>Problem is, you overdid it, and now you've got to bring some balance back 
>>to
>>the household.  They need to learn the value of doing for the people they
>>love, too.
>>
>>For the 7 or 8 years I was with my husband, I enjoyed doing things for him.
>>But over time, he abused this.  We sort of had an agreement that I'd take
>>care of the household and when we went out, he'd pay.  I knew I had the
>>short end of the stick, but didn't mind and I really did enjoy doing for
>>him......  But if we went out, he'd give me a hard time over ordering a
>>second drink.  And then he just preferred going out alone.  And if I didn't
>>cook, that was ok, he'd go out to eat - but wouldn't take me.  Eventually I
>>took a stand and told him he'd have to do his own laundry, cooking, etc -
>>or - he could resume his end of the bargain.  He refused.  I clearly
>>remember, as we drove to my sister's house one day about 6 weeks into this
>>stalemate, he got very upset and accused me of not loving him anymore
>>because I wouldn't do these things for him.  I explained that I genuinely
>>missed doing these things for him, but I'm not a doormat.  He never did
>>understand.
>>
>>Kitty
>>
>>----- Original Message -----
>>From: "Jesse Bell" <jesserenebell@hotmail.com>
>>To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
>>Sent: Saturday, February 07, 2004 1:16 PM
>>Subject: Re: [CHAT] Happy Birthday!
>>
>>
>> > Thanks!  And no, you don't sound preachy at all.  It's just the truth.
>>I've
>> > hit that point in my life where my family thinks I've gone insane and
>> > "changed".  LOL.  Because I've gone on strike.  When they ask "what's 
>>for
>> > dinner?" I say "I don't know, what are you fixing?"  When my husband 
>>can't
>> > find clothes I say "I don't know, ask the laundry fairy what she did 
>>with
>> > it".  It dawned on me that I have a house full of teenagers and a 
>>husband
>> > who think they can't do anything.  The youngest three are all 15 years
>>old.
>> > The other is 17.  The oldest two are gone.  I work outside the home.  So
>> > does my husband.  So why should I be the one who plans dinners, does all
>>the
>> > laundry and somehow magically know where to find things that they have
>>lost?
>> >   It escapes me.  So...about two weeks ago, I did the "meltdown" thing 
>>and
>> > gathered the whole family together and told them that I am not their 
>>maid
>>or
>> > housekeeper, I will be taking time to do the things that I want to do 
>>and
>>if
>> > that bothers them, TOO BAD!  They always seem to find time to do what 
>>they
>> > want to do, but I'm the one stuck cleaning the house and such.  NO MORE.
>>I
>> > told my husband if he wants a clean and spotless house, then get after 
>>it
>>or
>> > hire a housecleaner.  I will do SOME, but not ALL anymore.  And I warned
>> > them that gardening season is around the corner and if they need
>> > me...they'll know where to find me...and it WON'T be in the house.  I've
>> > heard this happens to women when they hit the menopausal
>>years.....well....I
>> > guess it hit me.  I do NOT have to do this anymore.  They are all quite
>> > capable of doing it themselves.  I am not Saint Jesse the martyr.  If 
>>they
>> > want something...learn to do it themselves.  End of discussion.  So, now
>> > they think I've become this grouchy person.  OH well.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Jesse Rene' Bell
>> > Claremore, OK
>> > Zone 6
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > >From: Aplfgcnys@aol.com
>> > >Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
>> > >To: gardenchat@hort.net
>> > >Subject: Re: [CHAT] Happy Birthday!
>> > >Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004 12:17:11 EST
>> > >
>> > >Belated Happy Birthday, Jesse.  Here's hoping it was a good one.  Don't
>> > >give
>> > >up your dreams for your own business - time passes more quickly than 
>>you
>> > >would
>> > >believe. I do know that from your perspective, you young women think 
>>your
>> > >hectic over-crowded days with a houseful  will never end, but kids do
>>grow
>> > >up
>> > >eventually (sometimes it takes longer than you expect) and the days do
>>come
>> > >when
>> > >you can do those things you dream about.  Just have faith.  Forgive me 
>>if
>>I
>> > >sound "preachy," but I've been there.  Auralie
>> > >
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--
Pam Evans
Kemp TX/zone 8A



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